Sharing memories and stories about past events may cause some anxiety or sadness for the person who is grieving. If you notice that an older adult looks anxious or sad, mention this and ask if he or she wants to continue with the story. Most of the time, experiencing an emotion helps the person who is grieving.
If the older person looks as if he or she is getting anxious or upset, you may need to stop the conversation. You can say, "You look like you are getting more and more upset (anxious). Let's stop talking for now and talk about this later. You may need some time." After you say this, sit with the person for a short time to show that you care about him or her.
Sharing memories with older adults can be an enriching experience for both of you. The person feels accepted and cared for. You may learn some things about the person that you didn't already know and that help you better understand his or her reactions to situations, including loss. Also, the lessons you learn by listening to another person's experiences and how he or she handled them may help you in the future when you have similar experiences.