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The Healing Power of Connectivity

 
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Feelings are true, thoughts can be argued about.
When you tell another what you are feeling, that is a true experience by definition. No one can argue with you; only you know how you feel. Thoughts like, "I think you're a jerk" can be argued. The beginning of a real dialogue is to respond, "Why are you feeling that way?"

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Identify what you are feeling.
What you are really feeling, not what you believe you ought to feel. Part of the value of quieting your mind with meditation or prayer is that it can help you pay greater attention to what you're really feeling. Paying attention to what you're really feeling can be a clue to what another person is feeling. Hearts tend to resonate with each other.

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Disclose what you are feeling.
Tell the other person directly and clearly what and how you are feeling. Be careful to express your feelings and not your thoughts.

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Emotions influence us more than thoughts.
Thoughts are processed and filtered in our head: feelings go straight to your heart. Appealing to one's emotions often works more effectively than rational discourse.

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Listen carefully to what the other person is feeling.
If they express thoughts and judgments, you may wish to avoid getting in the trap of an attack, withdraw, or counterattack. You have other choices. If you feel judged, express it so that you can elicit and probe for what the other person is actually feeling.

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Acknowledge the other person's feelings, with empathy, caring, and compassion.
It can be helpful to repeat back to the other person a summary of what you heard. "I understand that you're upset and you want to be on time. I'm sorry for having inconvenienced you, and I will do my best to be on time in the future".


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