A Plan for “You” Time

By Cheryl Richardson

Setting firm boundaries does more than restore your sanity. It offers physical rewards, too

Christine, an osteopath, runs a small practice in upstate New York. One evening, as she waited at a stoplight, her car was rear-ended. She sustained only minor injuries to her neck and back—but a year later, she still lived every day in pain. The months dragged on, and she found it harder to function as a business owner, mom, and wife. At a loss as to how to cope with the stress, she wrote to me for help.

By all accounts, Christine was a model patient. She followed her doctor’s advice, attended rehab sessions faithfully, and got regular chiropractic adjustments from a colleague. After our initial conversation, though, I wondered if perhaps her life needed an adjustment to support her healing. After all, she was under a lot of pressure. Her husband had started his own business, leaving Christine as the primary breadwinner and manager of a household that included two teenage boys. “I feel like I’m drowning in responsibility, like the weight of the world is on my shoulders,” she told me. “I need someone to take it off.”

The words we use to describe how we feel offer a wealth of information about what’s really going on below the surface. In Christine’s case, this last statement fueled my suspicion that the chronic pain had more than just the accident at its source.

Her first homework assignment was simple: I asked her to schedule three hours of uninterrupted time for herself during the following week. She clearly needed breathing room to gain clarity about her pain. But Christine resisted. “My husband counts on me to be on hand to support him, and my sons need me to get to their sports practices,” she said. “If I’m suddenly not around, they’re not going to like it.” I challenged Christine to do it anyway. To calm her anxiety about the family’s reaction, I suggested she let them know ahead of time that she needed this break. In a calm and relaxed way, she would ask them to support her choice to practice better self-care—a decision that would ultimately benefit everyone.

A Moment Alone

At our next session, Christine reported on her time spent drinking tea and reading at a café in her local bookstore.She was thrilled. “It felt like a hundred hours to myself. I came home energized and in a good mood—and the feeling stayed with me for several days afterward.” Most of all, she savored the time to think about her own life for a change. “It gave me the chance to realize that I have a habit of taking on everything myself—the care of the kids, the chores, my husband’s needs—and then I end up feeling angry when no one offers to help.”