Nov. 20, 2000 -- Ten years ago, Margo Aparicio rescued her widowed mother, Genevieve, from near death because of a neglectful aide. Although she did it out of love, Aparicio never imagined the toll caregiving would take on her health and emotions.
Genevieve suffered not only from diabetes, incontinence, and dementia but also severe emotional problems: She needed to know that someone cared. So Aparicio relocated her mother from 150 miles away into an apartment above her own in San Francisco. For four years, Aparicio bathed her mother, fed her and cleaned up after her, while also working full time. Then depression descended -- without warning. "I would wake up realizing my day was going to be nonstop horrific with no relief in sight," says Aparicio, 45. Soon, Aparicio grew so depressed she became isolated and angry. "When I found myself screaming at my mother and blaming her, I realized I needed help."
On my last day of vacation in Italy, a chatty café owner in Rome introduced me to a tall, charming Italian man. He was a local artist, I learned; his name was Marco. Just a day earlier, my friend Lynn and I had sat in a piazza in Florence talking about how hard it is to meet nice guys. It had been two years since my last relationship, and, admittedly, I'd grown a little standoffish with the opposite sex. Lynn and I agreed that I could open up a little more. So when I met Marco, I figured...
Aparicio is not alone: A new survey from the National Family Caregivers Association shows that the number of persons who provided care for an elderly, disabled, or chronically ill friend or relative during the past year is more than twice as large as had been previously thought. Survey results indicate 26.6% of the adult population was involved in caregiving during the past 12 months. That translates to more than 54 million people.
Most caregivers are women, many of whom also juggle work and child care. Some do the occasional grocery shopping for their aging parents; others provide round-the-clock care. And although most of these women have taken on this role willingly, the unrelenting demands exact a high toll. Some 60% of caregivers say they experience depression, according to an earlier survey by the National Family Caregivers Association. The rate is even higher -- up to 76% -- among those caring for loved ones with dementia, such as Alzheimer's disease.
The price of such depression and burnout is high both for the caregivers and their aging parents. Caregivers suffer more stress-related illness than others their age, according to the association. And, ironically, burnout is the leading reason caregivers say they eventually put their loved ones in nursing homes.