For many of us, the holidays were magical in childhood, carefree times to be
savored. But then we grew into hordes of harried adults, falling victim to the
season's high expectations. Holiday stress has become as much a tradition as the Christmas
"People are overcommitted," says Marc D. Skelton, PhD, PsyD, a
psychologist in Laguna Niguel, Calif. "Christmas and other holidays around
this time are always supposed to be fun, and you're supposed to do a good job
in terms of entertaining friends and family."
By Helen Kirwan-Taylor
Many years ago I had a falling-out with a girlfriend that proved so painful, I can hardly talk about it today. My friend (let's call her Mary) was a colorful television personality and had the world at her feet. She was engaged to a handsome European, and her face was plastered across the newspapers. I was working for 60 Minutes at the time, and we often met for lunch. Then one day her show was canceled and she asked me - casually, as though it didn't really matter...
In an attempt to live up to the season's tall orders, "people will just
run from pillar to post," he says. It's not even "Christmas"
anymore, some of his clients lament. It's "Stressmas."
We also overload ourselves with inherited traditions, even when they no
longer fit into our busy lives, says Elaine Rodino, PhD, a psychologist in
Santa Monica, Calif. If one's mother "baked a thousand cookies and gave
them to everyone she knew," Rodino says, "people feel obligated to
follow the same kinds of things."
But there is a secret to cutting holiday stress: Just say no.
You don't have to bake all those cookies, Rodino says. "You can start
your own traditions."
And you can learn to say no to lots of other demands, too, including party
invitations that don't entice or a whopping gift list that could clean out a
Holiday Stress-Reduction Tip: Decide What Matters Most
"The spirit of the holidays is gratitude and giving," says Patti
Breitman, co-author of the book How to Say No Without Feeling
Only a Scrooge would dispute that generosity is admirable. "It's very
satisfying to offer support to the people we love, help out a neighbor, or do
something positive for the community," Breitman writes. But "the
conflict arises when we continually agree to things that please everyone but
ourselves or when we commit to tasks for which we have no time or
By saying "yes" to every holiday invitation and demand that comes
your way, you could wind up exhausted and possibly broke. Instead, reflect on
what you cherish most about the holidays, experts say, whether it's sending
greeting cards to maintain relationships, tree trimming, baking, religious
observances, seeing family and friends, supporting a charitable cause, or just
When you know your priorities, you can turn down the less important things,
Breitman says. "It's easier to say 'no' if you know what you're saying
How to Say No to Holiday Stress
1. Say No to Parties That You Don't Want to Attend
First, "Lavishly thank the person for inviting you," Breitman
Then apply the "less is more" rule, she says. Skip the long-winded
explanation in favor of something short, sweet, and general: "I'm sorry,
but I already have plans for that day."