You've spent hours trying to figure out how to break the bad news to your friend. After obsessing all day and missing a night of sleep, you still don’t know how to tell your friend that you have to cancel your long-awaited Saturday plans.
Now your heart is pounding, you feel as physically drained as if you've just run a marathon, and you're nowhere near a solution.
On my last day of vacation in Italy, a chatty café owner in Rome introduced me to a tall, charming Italian man. He was a local artist, I learned; his name was Marco. Just a day earlier, my friend Lynn and I had sat in a piazza in Florence talking about how hard it is to meet nice guys. It had been two years since my last relationship, and, admittedly, I'd grown a little standoffish with the opposite sex. Lynn and I agreed that I could open up a little more. So when I met Marco, I figured...
Getting caught up in a problem isn't just frustrating -- it can literally stress you out. When you're stressed out, it's harder to think clearly. Emotional stress can send your problem-solving skills into a tailspin.
"When we're under a great deal of stress, we're not in a good position to think most clearly and creatively and come up with our best problem-solving skills," says Stephen Fabick, EdD, clinical and consulting psychologist in private practice in Birmingham, Mich.
Fabick says people who are really stressed out about a problem tend to obsess over it. They become so overly focused on the problem that it leads to anxiety, but no solution.
The pattern becomes a self-destructive cycle, one that can have not only immediate, but long-term effects on your emotional and physical health. "Prolonged stress can lead to more chronic physical problems and even a shorter life," Fabick says.
In studies, people who rate themselves as less effective problem solvers and who don't have good stress coping skills are more likely to be in poor health. They're also more likely to be depressed.
Instead of dwelling on a problem you can't solve, get your mind off it for a while. Shift your focus. "It really is best to get a break from it, and that can be done in a variety of ways," Fabick says.
The Focus-Shift Trick for Stress Relief
The purpose of shifting your focus is to temporarily get your mind off whatever challenge has it tied up in knots. "Disengage from whatever is so stressful, and then come back to it," Fabick recommends.
Here are a few tricks that will help clear your mind and return you to problem solving refreshed and renewed:
Choose something mindless. Play solitaire on your computer. Watch a funny video online. Clean out your refrigerator or organize your office filing cabinet. Give your brain a rest, and you'll have a clean slate for when you come back to problem solving.
Switch gears. Instead of doing something mindless, another option is to do something mindful to get your brain occupied -- but in a different direction. Work on a crossword or jigsaw puzzle, or read a chapter of a thought-provoking book. The goal is to occupy yourself with a pleasant task, which provides the energy to regroup later.
Walk away. Literally. Take a break from whatever you're doing and go outside for a walk. Exercise not only reinvigorates your body, but it also sends oxygen-rich blood surging to your brain. Research suggests that exercise might even trigger the growth of new brain cells. You’ll feel better after the physical activity, and the original problem will seem more manageable.
Take a breather. If you're really worked up over a problem, what you need is some stress relief. Try whatever works for you, whether it's yoga, deep breathing, meditation, prayer, or just having a good laugh with a friend.