The biggest mistake most caregivers make is providing too much care. Even if they don't admit it, people like to help themselves. Every time you do something for a person that the person could have done without help, there is a double loss. First, your effort may have been wasted. Second, the person has missed an opportunity to help himself or herself.

As a caregiver, your highest goal is to give the person you are caring for the power and the permission to be in control of his or her own life (as much as possible). Every act your loved one makes to maintain independence is a victory for you as a caregiver.

Here are some things you can do to empower the person you are caring for to do things independently:

• Expect more. People respond to expectations. If you expect the person to get dressed, care for houseplants, or prepare simple meals, the person often will.
• Limit your availability to help. If you are not always there to help, the person will be forced to do more on his or her own.
• Simplify. For example, if you are caring for a person who has mild dementia, divide complex tasks into simpler parts for him or her: First, get out the cereal box. Next, get out the milk and the bowl, etc.
• Make it easy. One of the most productive things a caregiver can do is to make modifications to the person's home and provide tools that will allow the person to do things without help.
• Allow for mistakes and less-than-perfect results. The hardest thing about letting someone do something without help is knowing that you could do it better or faster. Mistakes are okay.
• Reward both the effort and the result. Help the person feel good about doing things independently.
• Let the person make as many decisions as possible, such as what to wear, what to eat, or when to go to bed. Help the person keep as much control as possible.
• Give the person responsibility to care for something. Studies show that nursing home residents who are asked to care for pets or plants live longer and become more independent.
• Match tasks with abilities. Identify the person's skills, and try to match them with tasks that the person can do independently.
• Take acceptable risks. A few broken dishes or a few bruises are a small price to pay for letting someone explore what he or she can do. You can't eliminate all risks without eliminating all opportunities.