Love, Intimacy, and Breast Cancer
What now? Here are insights on intimacy from women living – and loving – with breast cancer.
How do we re-create the "mood?"
The best way to get in "the mood" is to really like each other. And
the greatest aphrodisiac for many women is a considerate husband. Several women
say that their husbands looked at their chests before they could bring
ourselves to peek. "You know, honey, it doesn't look that bad," was all
the women needed to hear to fall in love again. A guy who massages your neck,
or comes home with the groceries, starts to look real good.
You can bring romance back into your relationship long before you resume
sex. If you're uncomfortable with your appearance, wear pretty lingerie to bed.
Light the room with candles when you go to bed, even if the two of you are just
going to talk. Take a shower together before bed. You'll feel more romantic if
you feel fresh.
What else can we do to create intimacy?
Intimacy is far more than sex. Sitting on the couch with your husband as he
massages your feet creates intimacy. Going for a walk in the crisp autumn
moonlight creates intimacy. Even reading together in the same room strengthens
your bond. Find quiet, soothing activities that you both enjoy.
What do I tell a man who asks me on a date?
It's probably best to tell the man you had breast cancer before you go on
the date. If he doesn't want to go out after you tell him, he's not good enough
to be in your life.
The single women in WebMD's breast cancer community have handled this
delicate task in very different ways. When a man asked one woman out for pizza,
she said matter-of-factly, "I can't go out Friday. I have cancer and I'm in
chemo that day." He paused, and then said, "How about Sunday?"
Another woman would wait until she had dated a man several times. It was
easier to tell him after she knew him better, but harder on her if he never
So, be straightforward with the man. Tell him you're in treatment. On some
days you feel good, and on some days you feel lousy. If he can accept this, and
tells you he wants to take you out on the good days, you've found a good