Everything for a Reason

WebMD Member Columns We asked readers of the Multiple Sclerosis newsletter to tell us about their lives with MS.

Hindsight Is 20/20 | Stories Shared | Order Out of Chaos | From Symptoms to Diagnosis | Attitude Is Everything | My Faith Is Strong | A Human Pincushion | Diagnosis in Just Months | A Better Perspective | A Glorious Task | Everything for a Reason | A Great Escape | We'll See What Happens | MS Is Not a Disability | Keep Your Head Up | Light at the End of the Tunnel | Retirement With a Twist | Coming to Terms With MS | Long Journey to Diagnosis | A Mountain of Strength

I have always believed strongly that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, it is just a little harder to figure out. Then there are times when we just aren't meant to know why. I learned very quickly not to ask why. It's a waste of energy I just do not have anymore.

I was diagnosed with "transverse myelitis (TM) possible multiple sclerosis (MS)" in December, 1999. I was 36 years old. TM is just like MS in symptoms and appearances with two exceptions: TM there is only one "attack" and only one lesion on the MRIs. I was lucky in one sense, my diagnosis came within a couple of weeks of the onset of the symptoms. A lot of people go years without knowing.

My symptoms began in my feet and rose to my shoulders down to my hands. The numbness, the prickly tingling pain, the tightening band around my chest, the fatigue, the near loss of use with my hands and legs, heavy legs, dragging my right foot, and so many more symptoms that all with MS know all too well. But I truly think the worst of all, was the cognitive issues I suffered. It still remains the most frustrating on my "bad days."

I had lost my most valuable asset, my independence. I even lost my job. Asking for help was a major task for me. Patience had to be learned. Discovering who my real friends were became an eye opener, too. I had to learn to say, "No, I can't do that anymore." I had too many activities on my plate with my family, work, and as a volunteer with three different organizations.

The meaning of an emotional roller coaster became very clear. The anger, despair, sadness, and grief were all experienced within that first year. But eventually I learned to cope.

My family provided so much support for me. And there were times when they went overboard. Eventually, we found a balance. We discovered quickly that this disease was going to change ALL of our lives. But we all agreed to just accept it and continue on the best way we could. That old saying borrowed from a very wise support group, became our motto: "Accept the things we cannot change, change the things we can."

All that I had learned about myself was to be tested once again when my husband was killed in a car accident February 2002. The man who had promised to be there for me isn't anymore. The fear of doing this alone is still overwhelming at times. But I am a survivor.

I have never given up on hope. My faith has became even stronger. I have never stopped willing for recovery. And if tomorrow I have that second attack that brings on that final diagnosis of MS, well then so be it, that's tomorrow and not a thing I can do about it!

I learned not to waste my valuable energy asking why me or what caused it. I just settled with my own synopsis of why this disease struck me. It was kind of a blessing in disguise. It had forced me to slow down and to watch my stress level. In many ways, it has made me a better person.

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