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Coping With Impending Death
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Talking About Tough Death Decisions
Oftentimes, "people are alienated and marginalized once they have a terminal illness, and that is a psychically painful phenomenon," she says.
Frystak says it is also important to talk about funeral planning. "These are hard conversations to initiate, but you need to step up to the plate," she says.
However she admits that some people just can't deal with these things head on. "And for them such a direct discussion won't be helpful, so they have to find other ways to cope," she says. "Humor is not a bad way to go for some families."
It is crucial to have an honest conversation about the inevitable, says Betty Ferrell, PhD, RN, a research scientist specializing in care giving at the City of Hope Cancer Center in Duarte, Calif.
"If it was my mother, I would want an honest conversation to say 'we are doing all that we can, but the reality is the tumor is really bad and despite what we offer, she may die in the next four to six months," she says. "Once you have heard devastating news, a social worker, bereavement counselor, or someone should be available to get you through this tough time."
"It is ideal if bereavement therapists enter the picture when a person is first diagnosed with a life-threatening illness and say: 'I hear you just got bad news, what is that like for you?' to help facilitate the conversation," she says
.Bringing Up Hospice Care Earlier
"When you are told of dire diagnosis, it's time to introduce hospice care," she says.
"Nobody thinks about hospice care, so we wait the next four months and treat problems as they come, but yet we still avoid reality and then two weeks before she dies when you are back in the emergency room, we panic, and say, 'Gee maybe its time for hospice,'" she says. Hospice care does not prolong life or hasten death, but it can help improve the quality of a patient's last days by offering comfort and dignity.
Other activities that can help you cope include creating a scrapbook of memories and pictures throughout life as a legacy, she says. Next of kin should also know where bank accounts are and get affairs in order during this time.
Next Page: Better Treatments Change Landscape of Grief and Loss
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