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Do your kids make you feel like a Grinch this time of year? From bad cases of the "gimmies" to messed-up sleep schedules and diets, it can be a real challenge to keep your child off the naughty list. Parenting expert Michele Borba offered some holiday help on Dec. 2, 2004.
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| If you have questions about your health, you should consult your personal physician. This event is meant for informational purposes only. |
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MODERATOR:
Welcome to WebMD Live, Michele. Thanks for joining us today. Which of the 24 behavior problems you discuss in your Don't Give Me That Attitude! book seem to rise to the surface most this time of year?
BORBA:
Absolutely on the top is "greedy," only because we are a consumer-driven world that is actually teaching kids to be greedy during this time of year. It's "gimmie, gimmie, gimmie," but it just means we need to slow down, look around as moms and dads, and keep in mind we can tamper it, tame it.
To tame it you need to be serious. That means you can change it but you need to be committed to making that change, otherwise it will become a 365-day a year problem and not just during the holidays. Some ideas:
- How about a reasonable budget? Start prioritizing and announcing we're going to prioritize gifts or limit them.
- You may want to encourage family members, all of you, to make a present this year and not put a dollar amount on everything.
- Pass your policy on, whatever it is, to other relatives. Otherwise you will not win the mom popularity contest. You may want to let them know you've put a limit on gifts or spending, whatever your policy is.
- Consider charity. Consider having your family get into the giving mode and not just into the getting mode. The key to charity: don't do it yourself. Get your children involved with you so they realize the good they can do:
1) You might bake cookies for the ladies next door because she looks a little lonely
2) Go to your church or community center and adopt a family and bring another gift or extra Christmas dinner to them.
3) It could be each child in your family deciding to give one less present, and instead giving that present to another child.
4) A final idea is give each child a box and start spring-cleaning in December. Have them go through their closets and donate toys or clothes still in good shape and then bring them as a family to Toys for Tots or the fire department.
MODERATOR:
We do the closet cleaning with our daughter, and it also helps reinforce the idea of having a limited amount of stuff, making room for the new stuff as it were.
BORBA:
That is wonderful. Otherwise they get overwhelmed. Kids don't need all that stuff.
MODERATOR:
What about money as a gift situation?
BORBA:
The biggest response to that one is you want to help your kids learn to save, not spend. The holidays can be a great time to teach financial planning. For an older child, it's time to open up a savings account. For a younger child, it's time for a piggy bank. For a toddler, give them a clean baby food jar. Fill it up with coins, and then you can spend it. Or make a rule that some has to be saved and another percent can be spent. Otherwise, it's gone the day after Christmas.
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| "The big thing as parents is to start realizing little kids get just as overwhelmed as we do. So keep a lid on 'too much, too fast, too soon.'"
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MODERATOR:
Kids get so excited this time of year, and we adults always say the holidays are for children, so how do we keep control of their behavior without squashing their holiday spirit?
BORBA:
It's one thing to be spirited and one thing to be naughty. Let's look at the difference. It's wonderful to be excited, but it's a different thing to be naughty. It's called too much going on. The big thing as parents is to start realizing little kids get just as overwhelmed as we do. So keep a lid on "too much, too fast, too soon" and you'll see your children's behavior temper.
MEMBER QUESTION:
My in-laws like to tell my son that Santa is watching when he's misbehaving and deciding to take back the presents he has for our son. I don't like this image of Santa being like the CIA or something. I've asked them to tone it down, but they say it's just good fun. If you saw the look in my son's eyes, you'd know he buys it 100 percent. Any advice?
BORBA:
Yes. Tune it up again. That is, be more specific and be firmer with your in-laws. If you want them to stop state very clearly, "Please don't do that anymore." You might even explain the impact it's having on your child's feelings or things your child has said. But your message has to be very clear and very firm. You may also want to get your husband on board saying it, also, if that's his mother.
MEMBER QUESTION:
My 8-year-old is already asking for a ton of toys, and even cash(!), for Christmas. What's a reasonable way to set limits on the huge Christmas list?
BORBA:
Be very clear on the number or toys or the exact amount of money. The best way to do it is to teach your child to prioritize. Give him a set of index cards and have him draw or cut out a picture for each item he really wants and paste it or draw it on each card. Now he can fan them out in front of him. Maybe he has 20 wishes and 20 things he wants, so just ask him the key question, which of the five do you want the most, or the three, or whatever number you choose. It helps him to prioritize and think things through.
MODERATOR:
Do you make it clear then that Santa or Mom and Dad are going to choose from this list?
BORBA:
Yes, you do, you make it clear that Mommy chooses, or if you want your child to choose, that's fine, also, but you set a number and he doesn't get any more gifts than that number, so that he knows he's not getting everything, but he really is going to choose the things he wants most.
Sometimes what matters is helping the kids learn between need and want. Little kids want everything. And the list will go on and on and on. So just ask him, "What do you really need most? What's going to make you the happiest for the next year?"
The opinions expressed herein are the guests' alone and have not been reviewed by a WebMD physician. |
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
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