MODERATOR:
I was so tired by the time I was ready to deliver, I was afraid I wouldn't hear my new daughter when she cried in the night -- that I would sleep right through her crying! I was so wrong! And you went on to write the book we all thought that everyone else already had -- The Mother of All Baby Books .

DOUGLAS:
I wrote my book because I wanted to help reassure other mums that it's totally normal to feel like you've landed on another planet -- planet mum. Those early weeks and months with a new baby can be totally disorienting and scary. I remember feeling like I was never going to feel normal again, and in a way I had to find my way to a new kind of normal - post-baby normal. There really is a huge transition after you have a baby, both scary and exciting. And I guess that's one of the key messages I wanted to convey in The Mother of All Baby Books .

MEMBER QUESTION:
As a new parent what did you do with those feelings of "oh no, what have I done?" You must have had them. We all have, I think!

DOUGLAS:
I definitely had those feelings -- like the first time I trimmed my baby's fingernails and made them bleed. Or the time I left her with a teenage babysitter who seemed to be on the ball, only to come home and find that the teenage babysitter had put her to bed with a box of crackers. It scared me to death!

Those moments are inevitable at every stage of our parenting career, and we have to forgive ourselves for not being perfect and all knowing. I didn't mean for the scissors to slip and nip into her tender baby skin, nor had anyone taught me the trick of biting her nails instead of using those stupid baby scissors. I also thought the teenager, who had babysat everyone else's child up and down the street and who had taken the babysitting course, was a lot more on the ball than she ended up being.

So I learned from my mistakes, gave my husband the responsibility for trimming the baby's nails, found a new babysitter, and moved on. Sometimes that's all we can do as parents. Otherwise you simply can't go on in this particular profession.

"Those early weeks and months with a new baby can be totally disorienting and scary. I remember feeling like I was never going to feel normal again, and in a way I had to find my way to a new kind of normal - post-baby normal."

MEMBER QUESTION:
Would it help to join a group of other new parents? They won't know any more than me, will they?

DOUGLAS:
I am the biggest fan of parent support groups at any stage of your parenting career, but especially when you are a new mum. The friendships you form are often the friendships that will last you for a lifetime. These are the mums that you can call up when you have questions about introducing solid foods; potty training; choosing a preschool; starting kindergarten; birthday parties; sleepovers; teenage boyfriends; getting ready for college, and the list goes on and on.

The fact that you are all learning the ropes together is what makes the group dynamic so magical. In fact, you will find that if one know-it-all tries to emerge in the group, she will be among the least popular mums. It is your shared inexperience and your collective willingness to help one another figure out which baby rashes are worth worrying about and how to get by on next to no sleep that will make you want to drag your weary bones to your next new mums group week after week.

MEMBER QUESTION:
Is it normal to not feel bonded to your child, even after a few months?

DOUGLAS:
It depends what you're talking about when you say "bonded." I think the word bonded gets misused a lot. Sometimes we think it's supposed to be like what we see in TV commercials, where mothers and babies are literally smitten with one another 24 hours a day. I think that's a bit overblown. Most of us real mums love our babies a great deal, but we're also sometimes exhausted by the demands of motherhood, so our experience of motherhood is a lot more in balance than what we see on TV.

However, I would be concerned if you're not feeling any attachment to your baby, because that could be a warning sign of postpartum depression If you feel like you don't care about your baby or you want to hurt your baby, you should definitely talk to someone about those feelings and see if you're a candidate for some sort of therapy or medication, both for your and your baby's health and welfare.

MEMBER QUESTION:
What do you think about keeping the baby in a bassinet next to the bed at night? I'm trying to come up with something that will help with feeding at night.

DOUGLAS:
A lot of parents like the idea of having baby nearby, both for the convenience of those middle-of-the-night feedings, and just for the reassurance that comes from being able to hear your baby when you wake up in the middle of the night. This is a really personal decision, and there's no right or wrong way to approach it. Some parents find that they can't get any sleep at all when they share their room or their bed with a newborn because of all the snuffling and movements.

We also know that there has been some controversy in recent years about the possible risks of sharing a bed or co-sleeping with a baby, so you will want to read the evidence pro and con on this issue before making up your mind if you decide you might want to take your baby to bed with you.

Either way you'll want to think about your sleeping arrangements over the long term -- whether you are ultimately going to move your baby to a crib in another room or go with a family bed arrangement down the road. These are all important issues that you and your partner (should you be parenting with a partner) will want to talk about as early on as possible, ideally before your baby is born, because they can take time to sort out. Good luck.