My name is Dawn. I'm 34 years old, and married with three children. I hope that by sharing my fibromyalgia story, others won't feel so alone. I also hope it helps people ask their doctors the right questions so they can get the right treatment.

Before my fibromyalgia got as bad as it is now, I used to be such an outdoorsy person. Now, there are more and more days where I can't walk without a cane, and times when migraines hit me so badly I can't get out of bed.

"I'm different from most people, I've had fibromyalgia since babyhood."

Looking back, and after researching and learning more about this monster called fibromyalgia (FMS), I realized I'm probably different from most people because I've had FMS since babyhood. My mother tells me of an accident she had when I was a baby -- how I rolled off the front seat onto the floor of the car. Even though they found nothing wrong at the time, I think this may have been what caused my FMS.

Diagnosis

I've always had a very low pain threshold and problems sleeping (a symptom of FMS). At 15 I began having intense pain in my upper back. I saw several doctors, including chiropractors, neurologists, and general practitioners, but none of them found anything wrong with me. I ended up feeling like everyone thought I was making the pain up just to get attention.

Then in 1998 I met my current doctor, who immediately diagnosed FMS. At last I had a name for what I was going through! And for the first time, I felt someone believed me.

I finally started getting the right treatment for my symptoms, which at that time were upper back pain, insomnia, and an irritable colon. Since then I've developed migraines and widespread body pain. I continued working until September 2000, when I finally couldn't handle it any more and applied for disability benefits.

Treatment

I currently take Wellbutrin, Remeron, Neurontin, Ultram, Vioxx, Alprazolam, Imitrex, Diltiazem, and Prevacid, the last two for esophageal spasms. These keep me somewhat functional, but I'm leery of asking for anything stronger as most meds make me loopy and I can't take care of my kids when I'm "zombied out."

"A good support system is crucial when dealing with FMS."

My doctor says to exercise, exercise, exercise and I say no, no, no! I've done all the stretches, the workouts, the walking. They all just bring me more pain. But, to be honest, I do things outside anyway, but always with the knowledge that I'm going to pay for it later. I can't help myself -- I love mowing the lawn, raking, and just generally feeling I'm taking care of my household.

Support

I'm afraid I don't have a good support system, something that's crucial when dealing with FMS. Hubby knows there's something wrong, and on the very worst days he contributes to taking care of things, but that's it. Most times he acts as if nothing has changed because he just doesn't fully understand the magnitude of the pain. As for friends -- forget it.

The only people I feel close to are on WebMD's message board, and the people I play games with online. Even my family rates lower because I've never had, nor do I think will ever have, a close relationship with them.

More Changes

I also suffer from severe depression, due in large part to my childhood, but also because I have no good outlook for the future. I mean, look at me: what you see is someone young and disabled. I used to be a very active, outdoorsy person with softball and volleyball my biggest loves. When I could no longer do those, I took up darts and played league until even that hurt too much. I'd rather have both legs chopped off than have this. At least I could sleep without pain.

My faith in God has kept me going, and I know there's a reason for all of this, though it isn't clear to me. But He knows, and I pray constantly to Him for the strength to keep going. Only my children prevent me from doing the unthinkable, and I pray daily for forgiveness for even thinking about the unthinkable.

Goals

My biggest goal right now is to get my mental health back. And some day I'd like to be a writer. That seems to be the only thing I could do on my terms, at my pace. I sing too, and it's the one thing I can do no matter how bad the pain gets.

"Without proper treatment you could do more damage. Read all you can about fibromyalgia"

My children, especially my son, are musical as well, and enjoy belting out the tunes right along with me. I'm part of the praise team at church, where we stand in front and lead everyone in the songs. Though I can't always make it, my "family" there always leaves a spot for me.

Advice

Keep searching until you get a doctor who believes in you and in FMS. Without the proper treatment, you could end up doing more damage to yourself. Read all you can about fibromyalgia so you'll be prepared for the future, and keep up on the latest research.

And get a good support system. If you're lucky enough to have close family and friends, enlist them in your search for treatments and help in everyday things.

And don't forget to keep a positive attitude, something I don't have as yet. Above all, keep your sense of humor. Learn to laugh at your shortcomings. This I can do and strive to keep it alive at all costs. Keep a smile on your face. Keep busy doing something to take your mind off the pain and fatigue.

I hope one day there'll be a cure for FMS. Or at least a "wonder drug" that'll be a godsend for the pain, one with no side-effects, and non-addicting. There is always hope and that's what keeps me going.

The member story above may have been edited for clarity.