Sex Matters®: Louanne Cole Weston, PhD Meet Louanne | More Q&A From Louanne Cole Weston "Shouldn't I have an orgasm from intercourse alone?"

The opinions expressed herein are the author's alone and have not been influenced by WebMD.

The quick answer is no. Intercourse alone doesn't usually lead to orgasm and in fact, pressuring yourself to have an orgasm can actually steer you away from pleasure! Now, let me give you the facts and the reasons why.

The Facts

Approximately 70% of women never once, during their entire lifetimes, reach orgasm from the stimulation of intercourse alone. Even among the other 30%, climaxing with each and every sexual act isn't a given.

While enjoying yourself to the fullest during sex is every woman's goal, pressuring yourself to have an orgasm each time you have sex or intercourse can steer you away from pleasure and straight toward distressing encounters that, for some couples, lead to arguments.

The Anatomy

Most women aren't orgasmic from intercourse alone because the nerve endings on the inner two-thirds of the vagina are fairly insensitive. (Women who have given birth vaginally are grateful for this fact.)

The most sensitive part of the vagina is the outer third. This anatomical fact means that penises don't need to be particularly long to create pleasurable sensations for most women who enjoy insertion. But it also means a man could probably stimulate a woman more by concentrating on the outer part of her vagina with his hands and mouth.

Most women who are orgasmic from intercourse alone require plenty of stimulation (or the right type of stimulation for them) to get there. That's because intercourse provides only indirect stimulation to the clitoris, much like rhythmically massaging a man's scrotum would provide indirect stimulation to his penis. With the exception of some men who ejaculate without direct stimulation, the majority prefers moderately direct stimulation to their penis and a fair amount of it. It's logical to assume the same goes for women and stimulation to their clitoris -- whether orgasmic by sexual intercourse or not.

Him & Her

If a woman does tend to be orgasmic with intercourse, but finds she can't get there regularly, or with a particular partner, there are a few things she can think about:

Relating to Him

Your partner could be going too fast: touching you in a hurried fashion or ejaculating before you might like him to. There are several important issues to clarify. Find out if:

• Your partner is ejaculating before he wants to
• Whether he knows the stimulation ends before you're ready for it to end
• He could prolong the time before his ejaculation

Relating to Her

Then, there are some issues that pertain to you. How close do you get to orgasm during intercourse? Would it help if your partner used additional types of stimulation (besides intercourse) to arouse you as part of building toward orgasm? What effect would incorporating stimulating mental images have for your arousal? Would you be willing to ask your partner to continue stimulating you if he stops before you'd like?

So much of sex is psychological, and men and women can have a profound effect on their own responses. Instead of trying to meet expectations, fit into norms, or worry about numbers, people would do well to stop pressuring themselves to reach particular goals and learn how best to create sexual excitement specific to themselves and their partner.

Have a question for Sex Matters® therapist Louanne Cole Weston?

Don't forget to check out our Sexuality community: