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| Body Transformed 
Today is my 43rd birthday. I weigh over 250 pounds. Wow, just seeing that in writing makes me queasy. My husband and I have decided to divorce. I'm relieved about that, because things have been really bad between us for quite a while, but because life is crazy right now, I have to put my thoughts about having weight loss surgery on the back burner. It's ironic, since one of his major issues in our marriage has been my weight. Bill has never hidden the fact that he's not attracted to me. He knows his lack of interest is hurtful, but he doesn't try to overcome it or even to hide it. The thing that bothers me most about this attitude is how shallow it is. If he truly loved me, would it matter how large I am? The double standard irks me as well. This is a man who weighs almost 300 pounds. himself. If I can overlook his lack of sex appeal in order to be attracted to him as a person, as my husband, why can't he do the same? I've questioned his lack of commitment to our marriage for some time. It seems like he's just not willing to give at all. I hate giving up. It feels like another failure in my life and adds to my feelings of worthlessness. I'm determined to move forward, however, working with my therapist to adjust to the changes ahead. I'll be moving into a new townhouse sometime in September and I have two business trips coming up in the next month. Why does it seem like my needs always come last? Man, what a pity party.
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Leaving Bill