Bursts of Normal
Riding the Bipolar Rollercoaster

Relearning How to Live
Saturday, July 9, 2005

(Editors' Note: Bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed at first and using antidepressant medication alone is not recommended for bipolar patients because the drugs may flip a person into a manic or hypomanic episode. Read more for this important distinction).

I often find it hard to remember how ill I used to be. Especially, considering how ill everyone else seems to be. I mean, am I really that different that I need to be a human chemical repository?

Despite the obvious improvement in my mental health I still have to convince myself that I need to be on medication. It's my biggest challenge. Anyone who has ever had to take antibiotics understands my dilemma. Just peer into most people's medicine cabinet and you're bound to find a partially used bottle of antibiotics. That's because even though their doctor insisted that they finish all the pills, once they felt healthy again they felt no need for the prescription and stopped taking it.

For me, when I am lucky enough to experience long stretches without suffering a major emotional glitch, I often find myself no longer believing that I need medication and want to stop taking it.

It's a cruel trick that my mind plays on me, like I'm being controlled by some evil Jedi. I have been on medication for so long now, that I often feel as though I have been misdiagnosed as bipolar and I don't need to be medicated at all. Thankfully, my doctor points this out to me if I talk about wanting to be "prescription clean."

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Tweaks and Valleys

06/28/2005: Not the First Time, Not the Last

07/03/2005: Can I interest you in a cocktail?

07/09/2005: Relearning How to Live