Out of the Blue
Brooke Shields discusses her painful struggle with postpartum depression.
Brooke Shields: Pretty Baby continued...
"Postpartum depression takes certain truths and turns them into the worst
version of the truth," she asserts with the clarity of hindsight. "The truth
is, your life is changed forever when you have a child, but what you don't
factor in is that it might be better and it might be more enriched."
As she forges ahead with her new life, a few scars still remain.
"The scars for me are gaining peoples' trust again, and not feeling the need
to bound through my life as 'happy camper lady' to prove how I can do it all
and am really happy and it was just a phase," she says. She is now weaning off
her medication under a doctor's guidance, as she and Chris consider growing
"I would be lying if I didn't say that I was scared," she says, nervousness
apparent in her voice. "I had a bad day yesterday, and my husband looked at me
and said, 'Is this because you are going off the medicine?'" Rats had infested
the garage of their Los Angeles home and eaten through one of Rowan's special
toys. "I had to go through a series of explanations as to why I was entitled to
be upset," she says ruefully as she stretches out her long legs clad in
Women with a previous history of postpartum depression have about a 50%
increased risk of experiencing it again with their next child, experts say.
And this is something Shields knows all too well. "I absolutely want more
children, [but] I am not going to all of a sudden become a hero again and
defeat the entire purpose of what I just learned. I am a perfect candidate for
[another bout with] postpartum depression, and at least I know that now," she
"Who knows?" she continues. "I may not feel anything after this second baby,
or I may plummet even further, but I am prepared," she says, adding that she
plans to find a safe medication to take during her third trimester. "I will
have to go through IVF again, but hopefully another parent of mine won't have
passed away, and hopefully my best friend won't have just killed himself."
She admits that she is still coming to terms with her father's death and has
not yet been able to visit not the home where he lived in Florida. "I honestly
don't know how to deal with it. I call out in my head to both David and my dad
and say, 'Come on, just please come back.'"
Despite her sorrows and struggles, Shields is showing all the signs of
settling into motherhood. Already working by the time she was Rowan's age --
Shields was modeling for Ivory Snow ads at 11 months -- she is fiercely
protective when it comes to the notion of her daughter following her rather
glamorous path. "If she wanted [to act and model] and was able to articulate it
in real terms, I would do everything in my power to make it happen," she says,
"but I don't want to be out there subjecting her to any of it. However," and
she says this with a proud smile, her lovely eyes twinkling, "last night at
this party I made her do every trick that she has ever learned."