Spice Up Your Sex Life - No Matter What Your Size
Don't make romance wait for your ideal weight
Have you put your sex life on hold while you wait for those last 10 (or even
100) pounds to disappear? While losing weight and getting healthier can
definitely get those urges going again, depriving yourself of romance in the
meantime is not a good idea.
Statistics show that people who have sex regularly tend to have stronger
immune systems, are less likely to be depressed, and live longer. Marriages in
which the kitchen has not replaced the bedroom also tend to last longer and be
"Sex is fun," says Hanne Blank, author of Big Big Love: A
Sourcebook on Sex for People of Size and Those Who Love Them. "Sex is
good for you. Sex is good for PMS. Sex is part of what we do socially as human
And while movies, television, and advertising would have us believe that sex
is only for the svelte, keep in mind that statistics show two-thirds of
Americans are overweight or obese. Yet people keep getting married. Babies keep
getting born. Someone out there is still "doing it" and presumably
enjoying the heck out of it, weight or no weight.
Who's In Charge - Hollywood or You?
"We are just on the wrong side of the world and the wrong era," says
Rina Valan-Hudson, who founded a company called Fantasia Home Parties to bring
women of size together to buy the latest in marital aids and lingerie. She says
today's "real woman" would go over big (so to speak) on the
curve-loving island of Fiji or in the era of the Baroque artist Peter Paul
Of course, Hollywood and Madison Avenue don't help, with all the Size 0s
"This is a very prejudiced society against weight," says Hale
Dwoskin, author of the motivational bestseller, The Sedona Method. The
method is not a diet, but a way of programming negatives out of your life.
Thinking you're fat, and therefore unattractive, would be one of those
"Let's face it," Blank says, "body parts are body parts. There
are only so many ways you can rearrange them. The problem is not the sex, but
getting to the sex, meaning getting past people's
Those people, she adds, include the heavy person him -- or herself. "We
do a good job of policing ourselves," she says. "There are plenty of
men and women who like the feel of a more substantial person."
"We are obsessed with bodies!" Dwoskin says. "Everyone has
secret shame and disapproval of some part of their body. No one wants to get
naked, and this includes thin people. Everyone can be free of this."
How to Break Free
Dwoskin's method of letting go of stress and negative feelings is based on
three questions. Once you take a look at why you are not having sex (fear,
self-disgust, anticipation of what your partner might feel), you ask
- "Could I let this go?"
- "Will I let this go?"
- Then: "When?"