Spice Up Your Sex Life - No Matter What Your Size
Don't make romance wait for your ideal weight
How to Break Free
Dwoskin's method of letting go of stress and negative feelings is based on
three questions. Once you take a look at why you are not having sex (fear,
self-disgust, anticipation of what your partner might feel), you ask
- "Could I let this go?"
- "Will I let this go?"
- Then: "When?"
If you bring your underlying emotions to the surface, you become more
"present," he says. "Everyone wants a date or bedmate who is
present and engaged."
Here are some other ideas for getting past the negative feelings that can
- Focus on parts of your body you do like. Befriend your graceful
hands or strong arms. Appreciate the curves of your slim ankles.
- Accept yourself as you are. This doesn't mean you can't change. But wanting
to change something, Dwoskin says, keeps us focused on the negative (the thing
we want to change). Change comes when you focus on the positive.
"Self-acceptance makes it easier to change."
- Remember, you are perfect, even if you don't think so. You will also be
perfect when you lose 25 pounds, but not more perfect.
- Quit seeking approval -- or, the flip side, expecting disapproval. Could
you do that? Would you? When?
- Just let go. Dwoskin teaches the art of surrender -- and where is that more
appropriate than in bed?
- Blank, who has also written a book of larger-size erotica, says you should
suspend your disbelief. Yes, that cute guy may be talking to you! That sexy
babe may indeed want to buy you a drink! "Look at all the married
people," she laughs. "They weren't all models when they got married and
then put on weight."
If you still can't get past what you see in the mirror, Valan-Hudson reminds
us is that vision is just one of the five senses. Heavier people may be orally
oriented (in sex, this can be intriguing, yes?). Tactilely, they possess
interesting curves and sensual spots. "You can really get into the touch
thing," she says. Lotions and scents can tease the sense of smell.