You must tell your partner you have genital herpes. If you pick the right time and say it the right way, there's a good chance things will work out OK.
Think about how you want your partner to take the news. Do you want it to seem like a huge problem? Of course not, so don't present it that way. If you say, "I have some awful news for you," your partner will likely take it as awful news. Instead, be casual, direct, and unemotional.
One in five Americans has genital herpes, but many don't know it because the symptoms can be mild or even absent. Genital herpes is usually spread by sexual contact and caused by the type 2 herpes virus (HSV-2). However, the type 1 herpes virus (HSV-1), which more commonly causes cold sores, can also infect the genitals -- usually through oral sex.
There's no cure for genital herpes. Once infected, you're infected for life.
Herpes is most often spread from active sores. But you don't have to have...
Also avoid suggesting how he or she should react, especially in the negative. If you say, "You're going to freak out when you hear this," or "Don't freak out, but...," you are setting your partner up to panic either way.
Simply say you have genital herpes, and ask if he or she knows what that means. Be prepared to present the facts.
Learn as Much as You Can About Genital Herpes First
Before you tell, learn all you can about genital herpes so you can be prepared to answer any questions your partner may have. Stress that it's very common. Hearing the one-in-five statistic could be a relief. Also explain what it means to have it. Some people get sores on their genitals occasionally, but many others get symptoms so mild they don't even notice them.
Choose words wisely. You don't want to load the discussion with negative imagery. Although genital herpes is a disease, saying that you have this "disease" conjures up unpleasant images, so avoid using that word. Watch adjectives, too. Don't describe your condition as "horrible," "disgusting," or "incurable."
Pick the Right Setting
In addition to language, the setting can affect the outcome, too. Don't interrupt what your partner is doing to break the news. That is, don't call him or her at work, or barge into a room and say, "Hey, we have to talk." That's how you might deliver news of a death in the family or start an argument.
The right setting is a relaxing one, just the two of you, where there won't be any distractions. A conversation over a quiet dinner or a walk in the park is preferable to a bowling alley or the supermarket.