Dec. 25, 2000 -- During most of Marty Sandfelder's extended
battle with a rare blood malignancy, he did not need extensive home care. But
as his condition worsened, he was unable to climb the stairs to his bedroom. By
then, emotions were running so high and decisions were needed so quickly that
his family had little input. Instead, an oncologist and a home health nurse did
much of the planning, recalls Sandfelder's wife, Paula.
"I knew there was no way I could move him or bathe
him," she tells WebMD. "I thought he'd be devastated at the sight of a
hospital bed in the family room. But he saw it and breathed a sigh of relief
and said, 'I don't ever have to deal with those stairs again.'"
Caregiving can be a full-time job. And if you've already got other responsibilities -- like a family and another full-time job -- it's easy to put yourself last.
Caregivers can't sacrifice their own well-being and risk caregiver burnout. You're not the only one who will suffer. If you're strung out and exhausted all the time, you won't be much help to your loved one. So for everyone's sake, take care of yourself.
Delegate. You can't do everything yourself, so don't try. Get other family...
Until her husband's final days, Paula Sandfelder didn't believe
they needed to think about home care. In retrospect, she admits she should have
sought help earlier. Indeed, more than one in every four adults was involved in
caring for sick friends or relatives during the past year, according to the
National Family Caregivers Association. But experts fear that most are
unprepared for the caregiver role that often is thrust upon them.
"At discharge, families are told, 'See a doctor in two
weeks and here are the meds,' but that is not a plan," says Jody Pelusi, a
nurse practitioner who last month gave a presentation on caregiving at the
Oncology Nursing Society's annual meeting in Charlotte, N.C. "When somebody
is diagnosed, the rest of the family immediately says, 'Oh my God, I don't know
anything about this.' Having a plan calms people and educates them about the
disease process. It also helps them prioritize, which reduces the feeling of
being overwhelmed, and shows that everybody has something to offer.
"It is not overburdensome if everybody does something once
a week -- paying the bills, running to the pharmacy. The critical focus should
be, 'How, as a team, can we make this work?'"
The demands of home care can vary widely, from maintaining
high-tech feeding devices and IVs to helping with activities of daily living,
such as cleaning the house, cooking meals, and assisting with pain management
during a patient's end stage of illness.