Marriage Makeover: Can Our Marriage Survive Infertility?
"SEX FEELS LIKE A BURDEN." continued...
EXPERT ADVICE: "It's not hard to see why sex lost its emotional
meaning for Steve and Monica," says Waichler. "You have to do it a
certain way at a certain time, and then report to doctors." To get back to
the love, she says, they have to start with the basics. "Monica and Steve
need to cuddle more and give each other massages," says Waichler. Monica
was right on with her nostalgia for their dating days, she adds. "They
should think back to when they first fell in love and how they demonstrated
their feelings for each other, whether it was by holding hands or kissing for
more than just a greeting," Waichler says. "These little steps could
help break down the wall that infertility has built."
They should also allow for spontaneity — both with sex and with other
activities — since that was lost. "There's no way to really plan
spontaneity, but Steve and Monica should agree that they'll be open to the
other one suggesting something at the spur of the moment," says Waichler.
"Spontaneity is what makes love fun!"
"WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S NEXT."
MONICA: "Sometimes I look at Steve and think, Would the baby have
had your eyes? I thought I had already mourned not having a baby, but then
there are these times when I feel like I could just burst into tears. I keep
going back to it, having a family. I love being around little kids. I keep
bringing up the possibility of adoption, but then it goes on the back
STEVE: "I think I've accepted not having a biological child more
than Monica has. Like I said, after the first few times when IVF didn't work, I
just kind of accepted our situation. I'm happy being married — just the two of
us — and if this is the way it is, I'm fine with that."
MONICA: "Part of me agrees with Steve that our life is great, but
part of me looks at this big house and knows we could make a child very