Marriage Makeover: Can Our Marriage Survive Infertility?
"SEX FEELS LIKE A BURDEN." continued...
EXPERT ADVICE: "It's not hard to see why sex lost its emotional meaning for Steve and Monica," says Waichler. "You have to do it a certain way at a certain time, and then report to doctors." To get back to the love, she says, they have to start with the basics. "Monica and Steve need to cuddle more and give each other massages," says Waichler. Monica was right on with her nostalgia for their dating days, she adds. "They should think back to when they first fell in love and how they demonstrated their feelings for each other, whether it was by holding hands or kissing for more than just a greeting," Waichler says. "These little steps could help break down the wall that infertility has built."
They should also allow for spontaneity — both with sex and with other activities — since that was lost. "There's no way to really plan spontaneity, but Steve and Monica should agree that they'll be open to the other one suggesting something at the spur of the moment," says Waichler. "Spontaneity is what makes love fun!"
"WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S NEXT."
MONICA: "Sometimes I look at Steve and think, Would the baby have had your eyes? I thought I had already mourned not having a baby, but then there are these times when I feel like I could just burst into tears. I keep going back to it, having a family. I love being around little kids. I keep bringing up the possibility of adoption, but then it goes on the back burner."
STEVE: "I think I've accepted not having a biological child more than Monica has. Like I said, after the first few times when IVF didn't work, I just kind of accepted our situation. I'm happy being married — just the two of us — and if this is the way it is, I'm fine with that."
MONICA: "Part of me agrees with Steve that our life is great, but part of me looks at this big house and knows we could make a child very happy."