Marriage Makeover: Can Our Marriage Survive Infertility?
THE COUPLE'S REACTION: continued...
Does your marriage need a makeover?
Write us at email@example.com and put "Marriage Makeover" in the
subject line. You could appear in REDBOOK!
Monica: The most helpful part of the whole Marriage Makeover experience
has been all the positive feedback we've received. As a result of the article,
we've received wonderful support from friends as well as letters from readers
opening their hearts to us with compassion and sympathy; those letters really
made my day. Plus, my mother called me crying to tell me how Steve and I would
make such great parents, and that phone call really touched my heart.
This experience also moved the adoption talk from the back burner to the
front burner on a simmer. Before, I'd bring up the possibility of adoption and
Steve wouldn't want to talk about it, but opening up in the magazine has made
us more comfortable talking to each other and discussing which gender child and
from which age group we'd like to consider adopting. Iris Waichler, the
marriage expert, suggested writing down the pros and cons of adoption and then
comparing notes, and while we haven't done that yet, we now feel like we're
ready to give it a try because we're finally in the right place.
We've also been getting back into the intimate aspects of our bond, which is
nice. The bottom line is that we're a really happy couple, and we've put in a
lot of work to move past the pain of infertility and on to bigger and brighter
things. We love to spend time with our family and friends; we continue to
travel and explore; and we know how to communicate with each other. We're your
average couple who can't conceive a child on our own, and although we're
content, we're wondering if there isn't more to life. The adoption conversation
has really opened up for us.
Steve: Participating in the article had the effect of bringing up a
lot of feelings and emotions for us. Hearing Monica talk about how infertility
has affected her helped me to see her perspective and bring the topic more out
in the open for us. We're hoping that once the craziness of the holidays is
over, we'll seriously start looking into adoption. We want to explore what our
options are and see what the process is all about. When we were dealing with
infertility and the treatments to help us conceive, the stress of it was a main
focus in our lives and really consumed us. Luckily, we've really moved past
that. Although we didn't end up with a child, it's a huge relief to have gotten
through that experience together and to move on as a team.