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Infertility & Reproduction Health Center

Marriage Makeover: Can Our Marriage Survive Infertility?

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THE COUPLE'S REACTION: continued...

STEVE: "I think, hopefully, that this process has helped me open up a little more. We were thrown into a really intense situation trying to get pregnant right after we got married and immediately doing IVF. Taking a step back to figure it out together has been helpful. We continue to dialogue on adoption every once in a while, but it's not going to happen now. Maybe in the future."

Does your marriage need a makeover?
Write us at redbook@hearst.com and put "Marriage Makeover" in the subject line. You could appear in REDBOOK!


Monica and Steve with Dog on the Couch
Monica: The most helpful part of the whole Marriage Makeover experience has been all the positive feedback we've received. As a result of the article, we've received wonderful support from friends as well as letters from readers opening their hearts to us with compassion and sympathy; those letters really made my day. Plus, my mother called me crying to tell me how Steve and I would make such great parents, and that phone call really touched my heart.

This experience also moved the adoption talk from the back burner to the front burner on a simmer. Before, I'd bring up the possibility of adoption and Steve wouldn't want to talk about it, but opening up in the magazine has made us more comfortable talking to each other and discussing which gender child and from which age group we'd like to consider adopting. Iris Waichler, the marriage expert, suggested writing down the pros and cons of adoption and then comparing notes, and while we haven't done that yet, we now feel like we're ready to give it a try because we're finally in the right place.

We've also been getting back into the intimate aspects of our bond, which is nice. The bottom line is that we're a really happy couple, and we've put in a lot of work to move past the pain of infertility and on to bigger and brighter things. We love to spend time with our family and friends; we continue to travel and explore; and we know how to communicate with each other. We're your average couple who can't conceive a child on our own, and although we're content, we're wondering if there isn't more to life. The adoption conversation has really opened up for us.

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