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Infertility & Reproduction Health Center

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The Fertility Diaries: When a Friend Is Pregnant — and You're Not


Jody was devastated for her friend. She joined a group of women from their wedding-planning Web site in sending huge bouquets of flowers to Andrew Wyatt's funeral, held quietly on a weekday with just a few family members and very close friends.

Jody: "You don't know what to say, and you don't want to say the wrong thing. It was so hard. You can't imagine how you survive something like that, how you even keep breathing. I told Jenny and Sean that if they wanted dinners, or anything like that, I'd bring them over. I wanted her to know that I cared, but didn't want to do anything that would make her feel worse."

But in fact, Jenny discovered that it was easier to talk about her feelings with Jody and other friends she'd first met online -- including Carrie, 31, a marketing manager who had recently moved to Ohio from Texas. "If you become friends online first, it's anonymous for a while, and you feel comfortable talking about things you might not talk about with your other friends," Jenny says. "So by the time Jody and Carrie and I met in 'real life' and started spending time together, we'd gotten used to being really open."

"We all know more about losing a child now, and that pregnancy doesn't just happen," Carrie says. Jenny still ached to hold a child, so she and Sean, 37, began trying to conceive again that summer. This time, it took six cycles of Clomid -- which meant six months of waiting -- instead of the one cycle she'd needed for Andrew. She began to despair, because her doctor had said that if the drug didn't work in six months, then it was unlikely to help her get pregnant.

"Thanksgiving approached, and I was dreading it. I still wasn't pregnant, so what was there to be thankful for?" Jenny says. "The Saturday after Thanksgiving, I took a pregnancy test. There it was: a line!"

Facing Fertility Testing

While Jenny began the first days of her new pregnancy, Jody was facing her own fertility struggles. She had begun trying to get pregnant in January 2005. With advice and support from Jenny, who knew her way around fertility charting and ovulation-predictor kits by then, Jody went through month after month of negative pregnancy tests. "After a year, nothing had worked," Jody says.

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