The Fertility Diaries: When a Friend Is Pregnant — and You're Not
Jody was devastated for her friend. She joined a group of women from their
wedding-planning Web site in sending huge bouquets of flowers to Andrew Wyatt's
funeral, held quietly on a weekday with just a few family members and very
Jody: "You don't know what to say, and you don't want to say the wrong
thing. It was so hard. You can't imagine how you survive something like that,
how you even keep breathing. I told Jenny and Sean that if they wanted dinners,
or anything like that, I'd bring them over. I wanted her to know that I cared,
but didn't want to do anything that would make her feel worse."
But in fact, Jenny discovered that it was easier to talk about her feelings
with Jody and other friends she'd first met online -- including Carrie, 31, a
marketing manager who had recently moved to Ohio from Texas. "If you become
friends online first, it's anonymous for a while, and you feel comfortable
talking about things you might not talk about with your other friends,"
Jenny says. "So by the time Jody and Carrie and I met in 'real life' and
started spending time together, we'd gotten used to being really open."
"We all know more about losing a child now, and that pregnancy doesn't
just happen," Carrie says. Jenny still ached to hold a child, so she and
Sean, 37, began trying to conceive again that summer. This time, it took six
cycles of Clomid -- which meant six months of waiting -- instead of the one
cycle she'd needed for Andrew. She began to despair, because her doctor had
said that if the drug didn't work in six months, then it was unlikely to help
her get pregnant.
"Thanksgiving approached, and I was dreading it. I still wasn't
pregnant, so what was there to be thankful for?" Jenny says. "The
Saturday after Thanksgiving, I took a pregnancy test. There it was: a
Facing Fertility Testing
While Jenny began the first days of her new pregnancy, Jody was facing her
own fertility struggles. She had begun trying to get pregnant in January 2005.
With advice and support from Jenny, who knew her way around fertility charting
and ovulation-predictor kits by then, Jody went through month after month of
negative pregnancy tests. "After a year, nothing had worked," Jody