You probably think of yourself as an average guy. And you probably think you
cope pretty well with everyday stress. Sure, the boss might be causing you
stress at work and making you uneasy about how secure your job is. Yeah, and
maybe your wife has been too busy or too tired lately to notice just how much
stress you have to deal with. And look at how fast your daughter is growing up.
It's as if you're watching her in time-lapse photography while your
college-aged son is still stuck in high school. . .
But that's all right. You're cool. Except for those stressful moments when
you snarl because your shirt buttons are too big, or you bust a blood vessel
because some old lady is taking forever to get off the bus, or the
blankety-blank CD, which you paid perfectly good money for, is shrink-wrapped
so tightly that you break the case trying to open it. Whoa! Maybe it's not the
disc that's wrapped too tight.
Men rarely see Thomas J. Weida, MD, for medical tests without prodding from a wife or girlfriend. When they do show up, Weida jokes that he “can see the drag marks on the carpet.”
It’s amusing, of course. But it can quickly turn serious when a man ignores important symptoms. Weida says he knows of men who got away with ignoring chest pain for a couple of weeks. Eventually, though, they died of heart attacks.
Do you think maybe you are feeling more stress these days? Maybe even more
stress than a woman?
Suck it up? How men try to cope with stress
"I think women and men are equally stressed," says Edward Hallowell, MD.
"Men just deal with stress differently." Hallowell is founder of the Hallowell
Center in Sudbury, Mass., and author of Crazy Busy: Overstretched,
Overbooked and About to Snap! Strategies for Coping in a World Gone ADD.
"Men notoriously have trouble putting their feelings into words," he says.
"They bottle things up so they're more subject to the damages of stress."
But aren't men just supposed to suck it up? "The essence of traditional
masculinity is invulnerability," says Terrence Real, MSW, a psychotherapist in
Newton, Mass. Real is the author of I Don't Want to Talk About It:
Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression. "Vulnerability equals
femininity," he says. "Femininity equals unmanliness. And unmanliness equals
disaster. The system that men organize their psychology around is built on a
lie. We're all trying to be little Al Haigs, saying, 'I'm in charge here.'"