You probably think of yourself as an average guy. And you probably think you cope pretty well with everyday stress. Sure, the boss might be causing you stress at work and making you uneasy about how secure your job is. Yeah, and maybe your wife has been too busy or too tired lately to notice just how much stress you have to deal with. And look at how fast your daughter is growing up. It's as if you're watching her in time-lapse photography while your college-aged son is still stuck in high school. . .
But that's all right. You're cool. Except for those stressful moments when you snarl because your shirt buttons are too big, or you bust a blood vessel because some old lady is taking forever to get off the bus, or the blankety-blank CD, which you paid perfectly good money for, is shrink-wrapped so tightly that you break the case trying to open it. Whoa! Maybe it's not the disc that's wrapped too tight.
"Help me ... help you. Help me, help you."
That famous line from the film Jerry Maguire may be the best advice a doctor could give his or her patient.
"Some patients have the attitude, 'I'm putting myself in the hands of a professional,'" says Stephen Permut, MD, chairman of family and community medicine at Temple University School of Medicine in Philadelphia. "They want you to make all their decisions for them."
Permut prefers to have patients get involved in their own care and engage the doctor...
Do you think maybe you are feeling more stress these days? Maybe even more stress than a woman?
Suck it up? How men try to cope with stress
"I think women and men are equally stressed," says Edward Hallowell, MD. "Men just deal with stress differently." Hallowell is founder of the Hallowell Center in Sudbury, Mass., and author of Crazy Busy: Overstretched, Overbooked and About to Snap! Strategies for Coping in a World Gone ADD. "Men notoriously have trouble putting their feelings into words," he says. "They bottle things up so they're more subject to the damages of stress."
But aren't men just supposed to suck it up? "The essence of traditional masculinity is invulnerability," says Terrence Real, MSW, a psychotherapist in Newton, Mass. Real is the author of I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression. "Vulnerability equals femininity," he says. "Femininity equals unmanliness. And unmanliness equals disaster. The system that men organize their psychology around is built on a lie. We're all trying to be little Al Haigs, saying, 'I'm in charge here.'"