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Great Sex Unzipped

So How’s Your Sex Life? Here Are 6 Tips for Making It Great
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By Josh Sens
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

Was it good for you?

If you’re like a lot of men, chances are it wasn’t. At least, the sex wasn’t as good as you think it could have been.

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You were addled with anxiety, plagued by concerns over your performance, and worried about the worthiness of your physique during lovemaking. Even if the act achieved the idealized heights of a Hollywood screenplay -- she melted at your touch, you thundered like a stallion, you writhed in unison to volcanic climax -- you still harbor suspicions: You’re pretty much certain you’re not getting it as often as everyone else.

For creatures so famously consumed by thoughts of sex, men remain remarkably confused about what great sex is and how to have it. We’re shadowed by self-doubt, and clouded by myths and misperceptions. It’s not just about our mind-set. We men could also work on our mechanics. Mentally and physically, we’re hampered, hindered. We’re impeded on our path to greater sexual pleasure.

To rephrase a famous question: Can’t we all just have great sex?

Of course we can. But first we should decide what great sex is.

“Great sex is in the eye of the beholder, or the be-hander,” says Patti Britton, a clinical sexologist and author of The Art of Sex Coaching. “For some men, it might be the ability to produce fantabulous multiple orgasms in their partner. For other men, it might mean being able to last three minutes. Being a great lover means becoming a great lover to your particular partner, and that requires doing something very difficult: opening your mouth.”

Great Sex Tip 1: Take Up Pillow Talk

Right. The mouth. Useful for kissing and other orally administered forms of arousal (none of which should be underestimated), it’s also a tool for communication. Try it. Tell her what you want. Ask her what she likes. Shoot for trust and openness.

“If you get to know yourself and your partner, you’ll have a much more erotic and explosive sexual relationship,” says Joy Davidson, a New York-based psychologist and sexologist, and the author of Fearless Sex.

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