Secrets to a Happy Marriage
Not your parents’ relationship: The keys to a good marriage are different now
Marriage and tradition ― They belong together continued...
Many men, Real tells WebMD, try to fix their marriage after it is broken,
after their wives have turned off or they've lost the incentive. "What I
tell guys is, 'If you don't put oil in your engine, it freezes.' Guys will put
more energy into maintaining their car than they will into maintaining their
marriage, and if you don't maintain something, it breaks."
Among his tips for a happy marriage is to let your wife kvetch. "A lot
of guys don't want to go out alone with their wives because they know when the
wives are alone with them, they're going to complain." Don't fight that, he
says. "Take your woman out and cut her some slack. Don't insist that
everything go your way." Listen, nod, agree now and then ― but within
Doing these things is not the same as compromise. "I don't want people
to compromise on the one relationship that is the most important relationship
of their lifetime," he says. "Women don't get what they want because
men can't deliver emotional intimacy. I talk to women about
how to go about getting that. Guys don't get what they want either. But we are
so dumb and used to having low expectations that we grumble about it, and then
don't do anything about it. My message to both sexes is: Go back into the ring
and duke it out. Most guys do not feel appreciated, cherished, and loved and
desired in their marriage." You need to learn to ask for those things, he
says ― before you end up paying for them with an extramarital affair.
"You can ask for what you need on your job; you can say you don't feel
appreciated in the work place. You can't be selectively incompetent. Awaken to
your responsibility to bring those skills home with you."
Or else go back to the farm.