Sexual Foreplay: What’s in It for Men?
Sexual foreplay means more sex. And that’s something any guy can get into
Dates that end with lovemaking often begin with dining out, so that the meal
itself can be seen as a form of sexual foreplay -- in more ways than one. How
many times has this happened to you: You take your woman out to dinner at a
nice restaurant. The waiter takes your drink orders and tells you of the
specials, a busboy brings you a choice of savory breads, and you get down to
the business of perusing the menu. Your eye is on the right side of the page --
steak? lobster? steak and lobster? -- when your date announces, “I think
I’ll just have a salad and a couple of appetizers.”
At this juncture you might say something like, “Are you crazy? You’ll be
starving later!” But she insists she knows her appetite and enough of those
little things make, for her, a full and satisfying meal.
So it is with sexual foreplay. A lot of men don’t think they’ve had sex
unless they have had full-on sexual intercourse -- the meat and potatoes of
many men’s sex lives, if not the steak and lobster. Skeptical as they are of
the nourishment value of the proverbial small plates, they tend to rush toward
the entrée and insist they’re not really dining otherwise. They don’t see the
value of sexual foreplay in lovemaking -- the well-placed nibble and stroke,
the suckle and bite -- even if that is what women often want.
Or at least that’s what they say about us. “It kind of depends how much
these people read,” Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, a marriage and family therapist
and board-certified sex therapist in Fair Oaks, Calif., says of men’s attitudes
about lovemaking and sexual foreplay. “If they are at all readers, they are
likely to have come across the idea someplace that most women enjoy the idea of
Why Men Have a Fear of Foreplay
If you missed that article in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue,
you are not alone. A sensitive, well-read man may indeed have encountered this
notion of sexual pleasure, but most of us have probably filed it under Forget.
“I think it’s fair to say men are still afraid of women’s bodies,” says Mark
Epstein, MD, a psychiatrist in private practice in Manhattan and author of
Open to Desire: Embracing a Lust for Life. “Exploration of female
sexuality is still something that can be perfected.”