The Truth About Why Men Cheat
By Nicole Yorio
Counselor M. Gary Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to
get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity.
What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past
research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife's
point of view. Wouldn't it make more sense to ask the guys? he thought.
So for his new book, The Truth About Cheating, Neuman surveyed 200
cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's
infidelity — including what cheating men say could have prevented them from
straying. Here, some of his findings:
48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.
So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: Only 8 percent
of men said that sexual dissatisfaction was the main factor in their
infidelity. "Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is
sex," Neuman says. "But men are emotionally driven beings too. They
want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to
understand how hard they're trying to get things right." The problem is
that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't
always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. "Most men
consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional
needs are often overlooked," Neuman says. "But you can create a marital
culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness — and once you set the tone, he's
likely to match it."
66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair.
The implications are a little scary: It isn't just uncaring jerks who cheat.
In fact, 68 percent of cheaters never dreamed they'd be unfaithful, and almost
all of them wished they hadn't done it, Neuman says. Clearly, guilt isn't
enough to stop a man from cheating. "Men are good at compartmentalizing
feelings," Neuman explains. "They can hold on to their emotions and
deal with them later." So even if your husband swears he would never cheat,
don't assume it can't happen. It's important for both of you to take steps
toward creating the marriage you want.