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Revving Up a Low Libido: Gentlemen, Start Your Engines

Is your sex drive as strong as the next guy’s?
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Dealing with marital anger as a cause of low libido

For couples who have been together longer, anger often stands in the way of one or both partners’ sex drive, Epstein says. “The paradox of sex is that you have to totally become yourself. But it also strips your ‘self’ away. Safety is a big factor, and it’s hard to make love to someone you’re angry with.”

One possible solution is couples therapy, and another is some long, honest talks. But in the meantime, it may be possible to jumpstart your sex life. Epstein suggests recycling some of your anger into the sex act. But how can you do that?

“There’s a whole aggressive element of sex,” Epstein says. If anger is too threatening to a couple, the aggression likely can’t be played with. But, Epstein says, where sex is healing, it can create a stage or field on which angry as well as desirous feelings can be played out as well as played with.”

Who needs coffee?

No national average for sex drives

In the end, despite the reassurance offered by professionals -- not to mention such work around strategies as gift giving -- a lot of men still worry that they are having, or wanting, sex less than some unknown Joe Average. “There is the common perception that people have sex about twice a week,” Weston says. But, she insists, assigning a number to normal frequency of sex is impossible. More to the point, it’s not really important how much other couples have sex.

“If you could grab a thousand people off the street and ask them and know you were getting a truthful answer, we might know,” says Weston. “But in the long run it doesn’t matter. It’s about how happy the person next to you is in bed.”

Providing that makes you happy, too.

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Reviewed on December 09, 2010
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