Alcoholic Parent? How to Cope

How To Cope

No matter how hard you try, you cannot control your parent's drinking. It is not your fault. Since you didn't cause it, you can't fix it. You might think that if you try to be perfect your parent will stop drinking, but that doesn't work. You are not the reason your parent drinks. You did not cause the disease.

So what CAN you do about it? There are some real things you can do to feel better and stay safe. Read on to find out.

Do's and Don'ts

DO talk about the problem. Find a trusted adult and talk about your thoughts and feelings. It could be a teacher, an aunt, an uncle, a friend's parent, or an older brother or sister.You are not being mean or disloyal to your family by sharing your feelings. You can also call the phone numbers we have listed in our resources section if you need someone to talk to. All of the phone numbers listed are free. Also, there is a group for kids called "Alateen." This group has meetings, like a club, and the kids there share tips on how to make their lives easier. Some schools have Alateen meetings on the school grounds during the day or after school. Maybe your teacher can help you find one. Or, you could look for the phone number of Alateen in the phone book. (Sometimes you need to call Al-Anon or Alcoholics Anonymous to find Alateen meetings in your area.) Maybe a grownup you can trust will help you get to a meeting if transportation is a problem for you. You can find out more about Alateen by visiting the Al-Anon/Alateen Web site at http://www.alateen.org

DO try to get involved in enjoyable activities at school or in your neighborhood. Join the school chorus, try out for the soccer team, perform in a play, or whatever else interests you. Doing these kinds of activities can help you forget about the problems at home. Exercise or creative activities help you to relieve stress and be a healthier person. It can be fun to learn something new and make new friends. Sometimes kids with an alcoholic parent worry so much that they forget to be "just a kid." But it's important!

DO remember that it's normal to have lots of different feelings when you live with an alcoholic parent-like fear, loneliness, and hurt. Sometimes it's hard because you love your parent but really hate the disease. It can be so confusing to have two different feelings at the same time. Many people feel this way about someone they love who is an alcoholic.

DON'T ride in a car when the driver has been drinking if you can avoid it. It is not safe. Walk or try to get a ride with an adult you know who has not been drinking. If your parents go out to drink, try not to go with them. If you must get in the car with a drinking driver, sit in the middle of the back seat with your seat belt buckled. Lock your doors and try to stay calm.