Living With Anorexia: Melissa Román
Restricting her diet from her teenage years to college finally led to collapse and recovery at a clinic.
Finding Help for Anorexia continued...
I think about five years ago, how miserable I was, and how much it hurt-and
how different it is now. I remember all my meals and the counting of fat and
calories, how many times I weighed myself, measuring my whole body with a
measuring tape. I remember that my friends didn't want to be with me because I
was so consumed with food and the eating disorder.
I've come so far, but I still struggle with my body image and I still miss
that false sense of security. But I know it's not real: You think you're in
control, but in reality you're so out of control that you can't even eat a
A year and a half ago, I had a relapse and almost had to go back to Renfrew.
I'm still dealing with something that's a huge factor in my anorexia, which is
that I'm a survivor of sexual abuse. Talking about that is a huge taboo in my
family, as with many Latin families. So I've had to struggle with this on my
I think part of why I lost the weight was the smaller I got, the safer I
felt; I was literally wearing kids' clothes to avoid dealing with my body and
sexuality. I won't be able to completely recover until I can let go of that. I
have to let go and move on, and that's the work I'm doing now in therapy.
Published on Aug. 11, 2005.