If you are going to see a therapist, the following Q&As can give you
some insight into what to expect. Keep in mind that many teens are in therapy
today, trying to gain greater insight into the way they think, act and
"It is a very human, universal desire to remember the dead," Remmler tells WebMD. "Very often, the only way to remember is to create some kind of space. Altars, for example, or those roadside places where people put up crosses or icons or flowers. It is a way to say we respect and will not forget the dead."
Is this a good thing for people who've been traumatized?
The answer is different for different people, say Remmler and Charles Marmar, MD, professor and chair of psychiatry at New York University's Langone Medical Center.
"There is not a one-size-fits-all solution for trauma and loss," Marmar tells WebMD. "For people who have relatively mastered a traumatic loss or stress reaction, a memorial serves a healthy, healing role. It helps them integrate and remember their experience. So memorializing honors those who are lost and helps the survivors who can manage grief well continue the process."
Some people, however, are not quite as far along in their coping. They may suffer posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Or they may have become stuck in the grieving process.
"For those highly symptomatic, who have trouble coping, who have continuing grief, who still have startle reactions and flashbacks, the anniversaries tend to be quite painful and memorializing tends to be difficult," Marmar says. "At these times they tend to have surges in symptoms and need support."
Alan Manevitz, MD, a psychiatrist at New York's Lenox Hill Hospital, has a unique perspective on the issue. As a first responder who helped carry bodies from the collapsing World Trade Center, he experienced the trauma firsthand. And in his practice he's helped family members and other rescuers cope with their grief and anxiety.
"Americans as a whole have a mixed feeling about wanting to remember things. Sometimes people want to have a few minutes of memory on 9/11 and can't wait for 9/12 to come about," Manevitz tells WebMD. "Still for most people it reflects not just the terrible event but how we handled it with courage and resolve and resilience and that we were unified at that moment in time, that we persevered, and moved forward."
The families of people who died on 9/11 and rescue workers who were on the scene that day have told Manevitz that they welcome memorializing the event. They do not want that day forgotten.
"Remembering bad things that have happened is more helpful than forgetting," Manevitz says. "When you feel like you are forgotten, that actually causes more harm than not. Still, the fact is that some people's traumatic memories come up at this time when they see the images replayed."