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Yes, Your Kids Are Listening

Aug. 31, 2000 -- Although many parents of teens and preteens may think their kids don't listen to a word they say, research suggests that what parents say about sex and birth control -- and how they say it -- play a big role in influencing kids' decisions and attitudes toward sex.

"Parents do play a role, and what they have to say and what they think of their children does have an impact on how their children act," says Rachel Jones, PhD, a senior researcher with the Alan Guttmacher Institute in Washington.

Two recent studies show just how influential parents -- particularly mothers -- can be in steering their kids' sexual attitudes and actions.

In one survey of more than 10,000 teens and preteens in seventh through 11th grades, those who believed their mothers approved of them using birth control were more likely to be having sex than those who thought their mothers might disapprove. Researchers say the results show how important it is for parents to give kids strong reasons why they should not start having sex at a young age at the same time they talk to them about sex and birth control. The study was published in the American Journal of Public Health.

"Parents must take responsibility for the information that their children have about birth control," write James Jaccard, PhD and Patricia J. Dittus, PhD, of the University at Albany, State University of New York. They say it's possible for parents to talk to kids about being safe from disease and using birth control without increasing the risk of the child taking that as an OK to start having sex.

Jones agrees. "Kids are listening, and what parents say is important," she says, "but also make sure you are framing the issue in the right way." Jaccard and Dittus say that should include sharing personal views about when sex is appropriate, and discussing how getting pregnant or catching a sexually transmitted disease can affect a teen's entire life and the lives of those close to him or her.

Such communication is important because the study also showed that adolescents who reported they were satisfied with their relationships with their mothers were less likely to start having sex or to become pregnant. They also were more likely than others to use birth control if they did have sex.

Another survey, in the Archives of Pediatricsand Adolescent Medicine, also finds that close relationships between mothers and their preteen or teen-age children are key factors in delaying the children's first sexual experience. The study found that kids in the eighth through 11th grades were less likely to start having sex if they were close to their mothers.

According to study author Renee E. Sieving, PhD, the combination of a warm, close relationship, and a mother who makes it clear that she disapproves of her child having sex, significantly lessens the chance that kids will become sexually active at a young age.