16 Signs You're Too Strict With Your Kids
If this sounds like you, it may be time to change your discipline style.
10. Your child is seen and not heard.
"In the 21st century -- with kids tweeting and Facebooking everything -- they expect to be heard," Taffel says, adding that you're too strict if you don’t give your kids an opportunity each day to state their opinion. "You don’t have to agree with them or do what they are saying," he says. "But you should allow them the time to say it."
11. Your child is all work and no play.
Taffel says, "Kids need comfort time and downtime to synthesize what they have learned. If they are filled with skills, knowledge, and information that they can’t use and are just learning for the sake of learning, their brains end up like sponges absorbing things, but they have no idea what it all means."
12.You are the only one.
"Find out what other parents are doing," Taffel says. "When no other parents are doing the same exact thing as you -- such as not allowing your children to go online even with parental supervision -- you may be too strict."
13. You forbid anything.
"You don’t encourage something, but you also don’t forbid it," Short says. "Say, ‘I'd rather you didn’t do this for these reasons. But if you choose to do it anyway, I may keep a closer watch on you because of my concerns.’"
14. The rules are the rules, no questions asked.
"You have to have rules in place," Short says. "There have to be clear, consistent rules because it helps with predictability and expectations. But there also needs to be some wiggle room in special situations." For example, if your child has a midnight curfew but the designated driver is drunk, your child needs to feel comfortable phoning home to ask for leniency and a ride, she says.
If you are authoritarian not authoritative.
There’s a difference, Short says. Authoritative parents set clear expectations and can be hard on their kids. But they do it out of warmness and concern for a child’s betterment, whereas authoritarian parents say, "It’s my way or the highway." Authoritarian parents, Strong says, are "controlling and not warm. An authoritative parent is age-appropriately controlling and also warm."