Skip to content

    Health & Parenting

    Font Size
    A
    A
    A

    When They're Too Old for Time-Outs

    Tried and true discipline strategies no longer working? Get gold-star behavior with these instead.
    By
    WebMD Magazine - Feature

    When children are toddlers, many parents learn to rely on a simple, short list of discipline strategies: redirect, distract, time-out (or "time-in"). But as kids grow and change, your disciplinary toolbox needs to grow with them.

    "With older kids, there really isn't a blanket 'consequence' to use for problem behavior," says Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. "You have to look at the specific behavior or problem, and then figure out what makes the most sense to solve it. Sometimes the solution is a 'consequence,' but most of the time it's not. Because they'll be out of your house sooner than you think, and if all they've ever been exposed to is 'consequences,' they're not going to be able to solve problems on their own."

    Try these tactics:

    Set aside quality time. Parents tend to think of little kids as needing more attention, but tweens and teens need what McCready calls their "attention basket" filled on a daily basis. "Older kids are busier and we spend less time with them," she says. "But time together has a direct relationship with behavior. You spend 10 minutes fully present with your child, and you'll get it back tenfold in good behavior."

    Define your non-negotiables. What rules or behaviors are most important to you? Choose five big things, and make clear to your children what the rules are -- and the consequences of breaking them. "For example, you may have a rule that video games are only for certain times -- the weekend or after homework is done," McCready says. "If the child doesn't respect that rule, they lose video privileges for the next week."

    Dig deeper. What if your child says, "I'm not going to do my homework, and you can't make me"? He's right --this is a power struggle you can't win. Instead, try to get at the underlying problem. Is he struggling with fractions? Does he need a different homework space?

    Use "when, then." You could say to your child, "No TV time until your homework is finished." Or you could say, "When your homework is finished, then you can watch TV until dinner." Which do you think will get a better reaction?

    Hold family meetings. Start with something fun, like a board game or a bike ride, then discuss things you need to solve. Talk about it as a family and let your kids help find solutions.

    Today on WebMD

    Girl holding up card with BMI written
    Is your child at a healthy weight?
    toddler climbing
    What happens in your child’s second year.
     
    father and son with laundry basket
    Get your kids to help around the house.
    boy frowning at brocolli
    Tips for dealing with mealtime mayhem
     
    mother and daughter talking
    Tool
    child brushing his teeth
    Slideshow
     
    Sipping hot tea
    Article
    boy drinking from cereal bowl
    Article
     
    hand holding a cell phone
    Article
    rl with friends
    fitSlideshow
     
    girl being bullied
    Article
    Child with adhd
    Slideshow