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8 Mistakes Parents Make With Preschoolers

How to avoid these common mistakes parents make with their preschoolers.

By Jennifer Soong
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

Does it sometimes seem like your preschooler has the innate ability to push you to the outer edge of your patience? And that's on a good day.

Fear not, moms and dads, you're not alone. Preschoolers are toying with their newfound independence, but they still revel in the close attention and love of their caregivers.

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"These ages (3-5) are among the most active and frustrating in terms of parenting," says Michele Borba, EdD, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.

Here are eight common mistakes parents make and smart fixes to avoid or resolve the problems.

Mistake No. 1: Straying Too Much From Routines

Consistency is key for preschoolers, says Tanya Remer Altmann, MD, a pediatrician and author of Mommy Calls: Dr. Tanya Answers Parents' Top 101 Questions about Babies and Toddlers.

When you're not being consistent with your routine, preschoolers get confused -- and that's often when they act out more or throw temper tantrums.

"Because if sometimes you let them do [something] and sometimes you don't, they don't understand," she says.

You child probably wants to know: Why did Mommy let me play on the playground for 10 minutes when school got out last time, but this time we have to get in the car right away? Why did Mommy lay down with me for 10 minutes last night while I fell asleep and now she says she can't?

Fix it: Be consistent across the board -- whether it's with discipline, sleep habits, or mealtime routines.

If your routine is consistent 90% of the time and your child is doing well, then a minor exception may be OK, Altmann says.

Mistake No. 2: Focusing on the Negative

It's easy for parents to hone in on their child's negative actions -- like yelling and screaming -- and ignore more positive ones.

"Parents focus on what they don't want their preschoolers to do. They'll say, 'Don't hit. Don't throw. Don't say 'poopy pants,' " Altmann says.

Fix it: Notice when your child is doing something positive, and reward the good behavior.

The reward for positive actions can be your praise, or giving them a big hug or kiss. "Those types of things really go a long way with preschoolers," Altmann says.

For example, tell your child, "I like the way that you sat quietly and listened," or "I like the way you were so friendly to the child on the playground. I like the way you said, 'Thank you' to your teacher when she handed you the paper."

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