The 5 Hardest Things About Being a Mom
Mom Challenge #4: Accepting your child's failures
You're dying for your son to swim competitively, but he's content to just take lessons; you hope your daughter will star as Annie, but she's cast as orphan number 12; you assumed your children would be popular, or at least outgoing, and yet they're total wallflowers. When kids don't live up to your expectations (or even show interest in trying), you're bound to feel disappointed for them. But make no mistake — the deeper disappointment is the one you feel for yourself.
How to Cope
All parents secretly hope their kids will earn an Olympic gold medal and graduate with top honors from Harvard, but most of us didn't do those things, so why should we expect them of our kids? "Your child is unique, with her own talents, dreams, goals, and, perhaps, problems that aren't as you wished them to be — whether because she has a disability, is quirky, or is just different from you," Raskin says. You'll both feel better if you can learn to express pride in things that are genuinely achievable for your child, emphasizing the effort that she's making. "That's the difference between sitting at your 6yearold's piano recital in agony because she missed a few notes or doesn't play as well as the neighbor's kid," says Raskin, "and taking pride in the fact your child is up there doing her best."
Mom Challenge #5: Learning to let go
We all want to keep our children safe from harm — it's arguably our number one job as parents. But it's easy to go overboard because those precious bundles are so vulnerable. After 9/11, Sue Donas, 37, was convinced that someone was going to pipe bomb her daughter's day care near Hillsdale, NJ, because it was housed in a Jewish community center. She used to circle the building looking for suspicious characters. Once she even had an abandoned car towed away. "I drove to work every day anxious that something terrible was going to happen to Ari," Donas says. In fact, the more ways she thought of to protect her child, the more dangers she saw at every turn. "I drove myself crazy over it," she says.