Top 10 Parenting Pitfalls
Experts offer advice that will help you raise a well-behaved child -- instead of a brat.
The Bribes continued...
Brat-building response: "Parents often try to buy good
behavior by getting their kids expensive gifts," says Berman. "And then
they say, 'I don't understand why she isn't better behaved? I get her
everything she wants!'" These cool gifts lose their meaning and the child
feels entitled and less well behaved."
Angel-building response: "Allow the child the
opportunity to earn what you give them, and set limits around their
expectations," says Berman. "Tell them, 'You can get one pair of shoes
within this amount of money.' Teach them early on how to make choices."
Her bags are packed and she's ready to go to the sleepover, except for one
thing: She forgot to ask for your permission.
Brat-building behavior: Even though she's screaming bloody
murder, if you let her get away with it once, she'll do it again, and again and
again. "You've taught your child that screaming long enough will get her
what she wants, and now you've created your own private hell," Berman tells
Angel-building behavior: "As a parent, it is always
considerate and helpful to let a child know your thinking, so your child knows
why you don't want her to go to the sleepover, so it doesn't seem like you are
being unreasonable," says Berman. "But if you shared your reasoning,
and she keeps yelling, you have to stand your ground."
The Divide and Conquer
You've been very clear and given your son a decisive NO when he asked,
"Can I go to the birthday party, puh-lease?" His tactic? To ask
Brat-building behavior: "When a child gets 'no' from
mom, and 'yes' from dad, it teaches them they can divide and conquer," says
Berman. "They learn that they can divide their parents and fool them, and
if they are manipulative enough, they can get what they want."
Angel-building behavior: "Enforce in advance," says
Berman. "Tell a child that if you ask mom and get 'no,' and then you ask
dad and get 'yes,' the 'no' still stands, and your punishment for asking us
both is xyz."