"She gets to go to the movies with her friends! How come I can't go?"
"You love him more than me!"
"I wish I were an only child!"
These are just a few of the complaints parents hear when more than one child resides under their roof. Although siblings can be the closest of friends, it's rare to find a child who gets along perfectly with all of his or her siblings.
Brothers and sisters fight. Part of the reason for the disputes is different personalities and ages. The other part is that siblings see themselves as rivals, competing for an equal share of limited family resources (like the bathroom, telephone, or last piece of cake) and parental attention.
Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up, but it can drive parents crazy. The key to minimizing disputes at home is to know when to let your kids work out their problems themselves, and when to step in and stop the fighting.
The Cause of Sibling Conflicts
Kids aren't always the most rational of human beings -- especially younger children. For this reason, sometimes the smallest issues can turn into major battles and strain sibling relationships to the breaking point.
Here are a few reasons why siblings fight:
Attention. Children are always vying for their parents' attention. The busier parents are, and the more demands there are on their attention, the less they can focus on each child. One of the biggest parental attention drains is a baby. When all of the attention suddenly turns to the family's newest arrival, it can be hard for the other child (or children) to accept losing his or her previous position as the center of attention. Sometimes the parents' attention is focused on a child who is sick or has special needs (for example, because of a learning disability). Whatever the reason, when kids feel as though they're being ignored, they may act out and misbehave to get the attention they want.
Sharing. Most homes don't have unlimited resources. That means all siblings will inevitably have to share at least some of their possessions. Giving up a toy or other favorite possession to a sibling can be especially hard on young children.
Unique personalities. Your oldest child might be the headstrong one, while the youngest is quieter and more introverted. Differences in temperament can lead to clashes. Age and gender differences also can lead to sibling fighting.
Fairness issues. Children are like little lawyers, always demanding fairness and equality, and fighting for what they perceive are their natural-born rights. A younger sibling might complain that her older sister gets to go to a concert and she has to stay at home, while the older sister whines that she has to babysit for her little sister instead of going out with her friends. Feelings of unfair treatment and sibling jealousy can lead to resentment.
