"You want to make sure you are giving 100% at work, but that you are also giving 100% as a parent," says Ruano, who is a marketing database administrator with a 10-month-old son.

But is it realistic to give 100% at home and at work? WebMD checked with a career coach and a parenting expert, and both agree the answer is "no."

"I have seen people try desperately to do both and hurt themselves in the process," says Laura Berman Fortgang, author of Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction and Take Yourself to the Top: The Secrets of America's #1 Career Coach. "Until our culture changes to truly have family-friendly workplaces and community services, it is a matter of choosing," she tells WebMD. "However, it's not an either/or. It is [choosing] which is top priority."

Psychologist Jerrold Lee Shapiro, PhD, says, "To be an involved parent necessarily alters the time and attention one can give to one's career." He tells WebMD working moms and dads must make trade-offs based on their personal values. "What are their values about family and work? How may they live by those values? Are they willing to trade a less affluent lifestyle for more family time?"

Setting Priorities

Shapiro, who is chairman of the department of counseling psychology at Santa Clara University, says it's crucial to be honest with yourself when setting priorities. "The way to make a huge mistake is to be unaware of your personal values or to fight against them. If you feel your career is No. 1 and your children are No. 2, but you try to force your children into No. 1, it will only make you resent them."

It's also important to realize you don't have to choose a single top priority for all time, Shapiro says. While your children and your career cannot be the top priority simultaneously, they can each have a turn as No. 1. Shapiro says this is the key point for working parents who hope to have it all. "It is impossible to have it all at any one snapshot in time. If you live a reasonably long and good life, you can have it all -- but you can't have it all right now."

Ruano understands this. To make her baby a priority in the present, she decided to "slow down on the climb up the corporate ladder." She says becoming a mom hasn't changed her career goals, only "the timeframe to reach those goals." She's confident putting her baby first now won't hurt her career in the long run -- in fact, she says parenthood has made her better at her job. "I think it has helped me tremendously in being able to analyze ideas or projects at work in different ways, giving me a much better perspective."

Sorting out your priorities is a crucial step in navigating life as a working parent, Shapiro says. Other essentials include finding reliable child care and honing your time-management skills.

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