Teen Behavior Problem 2:
Communication Devices Rule Their Lives
It's ironic that teenage forms of communication like instant messaging, texting, and talking on cell phones make them less communicative, at least with the people they live with. In today's world, though, forbidding all use of electronic devices is not only unrealistic, but unkind. "Being networked with their friends is critical to most teens," says Goldman.
Look at the big picture, advises Susan Bartell, PhD, an adolescent psychologist in New York. If your child is functioning well in school, doing his chores at home and not completely retreating from family life, it's probably best to "lay off." It's also OK to set reasonable limits, such as no "texting" or cell phone calls during dinner. Some parents prefer not to let teens have computers in their rooms, since it makes it harder to supervise computer usage, and this is perfectly reasonable. Many experts also suggest establishing a rule that the computer has to be off at least one hour before bedtime, as a way to ensure that teens get more sleep.
One good way to limit how many minutes your teen spends talking on his cell and texting: Require him to pay his own cell phone bills. And do your best to monitor what your child does when he's online, particularly if he or she is using networking sites like MySpace and Facebook. You still own the home and computer -- so check into parental Internet controls and software to monitor use of any questionable web sites.
Teen Behavior Problem 3:
Staying Out Too Late
It's 10:30 p.m. and you told your daughter to be home by 10 p.m. Why does she ignore your curfew again and again?
"Part of what teens do is test limits," explains Goldman. "But the fact is that they actually want limits, so parents need to keep setting them."
Do some research before insisting that your child respect your curfew because it's possible that yours is unreasonable. Call a few of your kids' friends' parents and find out when they expect their kids home. Goldman suggests giving kids a 10-minute grace period, and if they defy that, to set consequences -- such as no going out at night for a week.
If it seems like your child is staying out late because she's up to no good, or doesn't feel happy at home, then you need to talk with her and figure out what might be going on. However, if your curfew is in line with what's typical in your teen's crowd, then it's time to set consequences and then enforce them if your teen continues to break your rules. When you make a rule, you have to mean it. You can't bluff teenagers -- they will always call you on it.