10 Secrets to a Better Love Life
Too much boredom in your bedroom? Revitalize your sex life with these 10 tips.
Get Out of the House continued...
It can be hard to give into the moment when you're having sex
in your all-too-familiar bedroom. Your mind wanders. Did I remember to set the
alarm clock? How much will it cost to repair that water damage on the
"Lovemaking is, fundamentally, a present moment
experience," says Castleman. "The best sex comes when you're not
thinking about the past or the future, but only the present. And that can be
hard in a room where you've always got grandma's picture smiling down on
Castleman recommends getting away to a place that is stripped
of these reminders of everyday life. It doesn't have to be a fabulous spot by
the ocean, or at least it not every time. A non-descript place off the
Interstate might be just fine.
Redecorate the Bedroom
Of course, having a sex life that's wholly dependent on trysts
at hotels and overnight babysitters may be a problem if you're not fabulously
wealthy, childless, and unemployed. So in addition to some trips away, make
some changes at home.
"The bedroom does build up a lot of mundane
associations," says Weston. "But if you can do anything to transform
your bedroom into something new and different, that can make a big
And a better love life doesn't require installing a revolving
bed or ceiling mirrors. "You don't need to do something that will freak out
the kids or the housekeeper," says Weston.
Lighting some candles is an obvious suggestion. But maybe
getting a nicer set of sheets and a new bedspread will make a difference. Also,
removing some of the junk -- the kids' toys, the piles of laundry -- that tends
to accumulate in a bedroom out can have an effect. Think about ditching the
bedroom TV, too, or at least trying life without it for a while.
Figure Out What You Really Want
Everyone's got sexual fantasies of one sort or another. But for
some people, those fantasies can be buried pretty deep. If your partner were to
turn to you tonight and say, "What's your ultimate sexual fantasy?" or
"What do you want to change about how we have sex?" do you know what
If you're not sure, you're not alone. "Some people have to
do a little work at figuring out what really arouses them," says Weston.
But figuring out what you want is key to having a better love life.
So give it a little effort. Weston observes that there are
plenty of tools out there to help: books, magazines, videos, and so on. Once
you've come up with some ideas, telling your partner about them could be fun
for both of you.
Find Out What Your Partner Wants
And then there's the flip side: You need to ask your partner
the same questions that you've asked yourself. What does your partner want from
your love life?
According to Weston and Castleman, one of the most common complaints they hear
is that one partner wants to have sex more than the other.
Some people may huffily assume that they just have higher sex
drives than their partners do. But maybe your partner is looking for something
different out of your love life but hasn't felt able to ask. So bring up the
subject. Talking openly might bring you closer to one another, and that's
likely to make sex more interesting for both of you.