10 Secrets to a Better Love Life
Too much boredom in your bedroom? Revitalize your sex life with these 10 tips.
Don't Worry About What Everyone Else Is Doing
According to Weston and Castleman, one of the most common
questions they get is, "How much should we be doing it?" The question
implies that the answer is obvious: more than I am now.
Feeling like you "should" be having a better love life
is probably universal. It explains the vast number of titles about sex in the
self-help section of the bookstore, and the constancy of articles about sex
advertised on magazine covers at the checkout counter (or why so many people
click on articles with titles like, say, "10 Secrets to a Better Love
Castleman observes that the culture we live in -- and
especially its films, whether Hollywood romances or pornography -- encourages
us to think that we're not living up.
So how often "should" you have sex? "There's no
answer to that," says Weston. "Stop trying to decide how much sex you
should have and decide how much you want."
Having a better sex life will take some work. It's like this:
for many people, life is an unremitting guerilla war with those extra 10 pounds
that ambush you when you're not paying attention. In the same way, people can
fall into a sexual rut, a "blah" love life, unless they're making an
effort to keep things exciting.
You should expect that some attempts will fall flat. A stab at
a sexual role-play may be rendered ridiculous by an ill-timed call and rambling
answering machine message from your mother-in-law. Or maybe the aromatic
candles make you sneeze violently. Trying something new is always putting you
at risk of failure.
But the important thing is to keep trying anyway. Don't let
self-consciousness make you play it safe. You should never accept a just
average love life.
So there they are: the 10 secrets to a better love life. But,
you may exclaim, I think I've heard some of these before. It's a fair point.
For instance, upon reading that communication is important for a healthy love
life, there is no person in America who will smack her forehead and say,
"Golly, and all this time I thought not communicating was the right
Admittedly, these suggestions are not secrets. Or at least they
aren't secrets like the purpose of Stonehenge or the fate of Amelia Earhart.
We've read the magazines, and watched the daytime talk shows. Many of us know
what we're supposed to do to have a better love life.
But if we already know this stuff, why do we keep buying the
magazines and watching the TV shows that tell us what we already know?
Ultimately, our good intentions fail and we lapse back into lazy habits. We let
the other stuff in life take over.