6 Sex Mistakes Women Make
Mistake: Having Unreal Ideas About How Your Body Works continued...
"Women are convinced it will enhance their experience," says Madeleine M. Castellanos, MD, a sex therapist and assistant professor of psychiatry at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine. "But only 5% to 6% of women naturally squirt, and you can damage pelvic floor muscles by trying."
The fix: Relax. Trying to climax a certain way only puts you on edge.
"Most women need clitoral stimulation for orgasm," Castellanos says. Because the clitoris is rich with nerves, grinding against your partner, oral sex, or hand stimulation can do the job. A nice stretch of foreplay helps most women climax, Kerner notes.
Say you worry you're taking too long to climax. Or you're carefully acting out a scene from 50 Shades of Grey. Or you avoid a position that makes your belly jiggle.
"If you think about how you act rather than how you feel, you become an actor, rather than a lover," says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, professor of sociology at the University of Washington.
Sex researchers Virginia Masters and William Johnson dubbed this kind of self-monitoring "spectatoring." Research shows that women who do it have fewer orgasms and fake it more.
The fix: "Bring your focus back to something about the present -- the feel of your partner's skin, the look on his face, how much you like feeling him inside you," Castellanos says. Learning mindfulness meditation can help you do this.
Mistake: Over-Focusing on His Penis
"Sure, men like to have their penis touched," Kerner says. "But men like women to focus on other areas too, to build desire." Too often, he says, women focus right away -- and only -- on the penis.
The fix: Start somewhere else. Neck awhile. Give a massage. Play with his nipples. Rub his scrotum. The whole body likes foreplay.
Mistake: Under-Focusing on Yourself
You tease him, please him, make his dreams come true. But what about you? What do you like, want, and fantasize about?
"You're not getting a good time if you're thinking, 'I wish he'd move a millimeter to the left.' You're in your head again," Schwartz says.
The fix: Speak up! "Better to say, 'A little higher, a little lower, that's great, hold it right there,'" Schwartz says. "A woman's body is complex. He can't know everything about you unless you tell him."