8 of Your Most Common Questions About Sex
Sex therapist Laura Berman reveals the answers to your most intimate questions and shows you how to spice up your sex life.
3. How Do I Tell My Husband What I Need in Bed?
Your partner isn't a mind reader, so you have to speak up and be clear about what you want. Be honest, but not accusatory. You might say something like, "I love having sex with you and I want it to be the best it can be. That's why I want to..." ("try a new position," "have you touch me there," "take our time" — whatever you need). Or try to frame your request as a compliment. If you'd like more foreplay, for example, you might say, "Honey, I was so turned on last night; I love it when you take your time with me before sex. It shows how much you care about my pleasure, and it felt amazing." Your partner will be offering more foreplay than you can handle!
Women want to know how to manage having that "touch me here, not there" talk without killing the moment or sounding reproachful. Try saying things like:
"Can we slow down a minute?"
"Can you do that thing with your tongue again?"
"This feels good! You know what would make it feel even better?" (Then get on top, change positions, or move his hand.)
Sometimes you don't have to say anything at all; you can guide him by gently lifting your hips or moving your body in a way that works for you. You can also moan or coo to give him added information so he knows when he's doing something you enjoy. Remember that your partner wants to make you happy in bed, and he wants direction — our bodies are often a mystery to men, and any guideposts along the way are appreciated.