By Keith Ablow, M.D.
You married a great guy. But you're stuck in a romance rut. Here's your road map to getting the relationship you want with the husband you still cherish.
A happily married woman told me recently that she has a secret way of recapturing the feeling of being in love that she had as a young bride. When she and her husband go out to dinner, she'll watch how other people — a waitress, a friend they're out with that night, an acquaintance who stops by their table — are responding...
"The schedule is not written in stone," Peter
explained. "But we do make love every day."
Michael Roizen, MD, would say that sex is keeping Kranz young.
In his best-selling book, RealAge -- Are You as Young as You Can Be?,
Roizen makes the case for the antiaging effects of sex after surveying the
available literature. "Having sex at least twice a week can make your
RealAge 1.6 years younger than if you had sex only once a week," Roizen
says. He defines 'real age' as "an estimation of your age in biologic
terms, not chronologic years."
Although Roizen's statistics are sketchy, he derives his
figures primarily from a study done in Caerphilly, Wales, and published in the
December 1997 British Medical Journal under the title, "Sex and
Death: Are They Related?" One of the few efforts to examine the
relationship between sex and mortality, the study found that men who reported
at least two orgasms a week at the time of the study had less than half the
risk of dying from various causes over 10 years of follow-up than those with a
lower frequency of orgasm. Drawing on the researchers' remark that the evidence
suggested a dose-response relationship -- meaning in this case that the more
orgasms a man had, the longer he lived -- Roizen concluded that someone like my
friend Peter, who has sex every day, could have a Real Age as much as 8 years
At first blush (and Peter's candor did make me blush), my
friend is a convincing example of Roizen's argument. He is youthful-looking,
energetic, and actively involved in many interests. Peter still works as a
developer of computer systems. He has had a steady, positive relationship with
his wife who, at 77 also, still commutes to Manhattan for her own job at a
major nonprofit institution.
But although Peter enjoys his sexual interludes immensely, he
also does many other things to remain youthful. He watches his weight and caloric
intake very closely and makes sure he stays slim. Over the last decades, he
has been involved in strenuous earth and rock-moving activities in his own
backyard; and he also splits wood when it is needed. He has exercised steadily
and intensely over the years.
So does sex itself really extend our lives or prevent heart
attacks? This claim is difficult to prove. Yes, sex and good health are usually
linked -- in most of the studies and our observations -- but which one is the
chicken and which the egg? Does sex contribute to good health or does good
health make regular sex possible?