Dating Older Women: Does Age Matter?

If Hollywood is any indication, the pairing of older women and younger men is hot -- and getting more popular every day. But does it hold true in real life?

By Colette Bouchez
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

From movies like Something's Gotta Give and Because I Said So to reality dating shows that pit older women against younger gals, the pairing of older women and younger men is becoming increasingly common.

In fact, there is even a new classification for older women who actively seek out younger men. They're called “cougars,” and they’re seen by some as the epitome of liberation in post-feminist times.

But has the once-taboo pairing of older women and younger men really become as common and carefree a choice as Hollywood would have us believe? And more importantly, has society finally blessed this controversial union?

If you are using celebrity couples as your barometer, the answer appears to be yes. But go just a little east of Beverly Hills, and you're likely to read a different story.

"It's not exactly the way it's being portrayed in the media," says Sandy Caron, PhD, co-author, with Nichole Proulx, PhD, of a study on the implications of marriages involving women a decade or more older than their mates.

In their research, published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy in 2006, Caron says that while the number of older woman-younger man pairings appears to be increasing to some degree, society has far from embraced the idea. Moreover, the bulk of our "scorn" still seems directed squarely at the reputation of the older woman.

"I think one of the most surprising things we found in our study was that most older women still feel the same societal pressures about pairing with a younger man that were evident in studies conducted more than 30 years ago," says Caron, professor of family relations and human sexuality at the University of Maine.

While she says the world seems slightly more accepting of a younger man falling for an older gal, the image of the older woman as the wayward seductress -- or in Hollywood terms, "Mrs. Robinson" -- still prevails.

"Pretty much all the couples in our study cautioned that you have to be prepared to deal with the social stigmas, because they are still here, and they can be particularly cruel to women," says Caron.

So considering relationship waters are already pretty hard to navigate, even without societal pressures, what's the attraction? The answers might surprise you.

(What are your thoughts about older woman/younger man relationships? Talk with others on WebMD's Couples Coping Support Group message board.)

What's in It for Older Women?

As any middle-aged woman who's ever swooned over the hot, hard body of Jake Gyllenhaal or Matthew McConaughey can tell you, a younger man can be hard to resist – particularly when it comes to sexual desire.

"Men's testosterone levels go down in their 40s, while women's sexuality peaks in their 30s and stays there for quite awhile. So, by age 50 or so, men have far more sexual problems than women, which is reason enough for an older woman to consider a younger man, with whom the sex can be just spectacular for quite some time," says social anthropologist Helen E. Fisher, PhD, professor at Rutgers University and chief scientific advisor of Chemistry.com.