Dating Older Women: Does Age Matter?

What's in It for Older Women? continued...

But sex appeal aside, gender expert Susan Shapiro Barash says younger men also offer a cultural understanding of older women that they just don't get from men their own age or older.

"When it comes to issues like careers, money, even traditional female roles, men in their 50s often have a different mind-set about women than women have about themselves, mostly because the world hasn't changed as much for men in relation to how it's changed for women," says Barash, an instructor at Sarah Lawrence College and author of Tripping the Prom Queen: The Truth About Women and Rivalry.

And oh, how it's changed! When the hit show All in the Family became part of our culture in 1971, the middle-aged woman of the day was brilliantly portrayed in the character of Edith Bunker – a doting, sexually inhibited housewife who lived to bring Archie his beer.

Fast forward some 30 years, and your TV dial lands on Sex and the City. Here, middle age took on a whole different meaning in the career-oriented, younger-man-loving character of Samantha.

What many viewers of both shows never realized: The characters of Edith and Samantha were approximately the same age!  

And while 40-something women today are more likely to relate to the likes of Samantha, Barash says for many middle-aged and older men, Edith still has a foothold in their minds.   

"In this respect, a younger man may be far more in tune with how an older woman in 2007 sees herself, particularly her goals, her dreams, her view of the world and of herself and her sexuality, than any man her own age will ever see her," says Barash. 

And of course, no matter how a woman sees herself, who can resist the ego-boost that comes from discovering that not only do men still find you attractive, but that a younger man is interested in what you have to offer! 

"At a time when a woman may feel she is losing her vitality, not to mention her looks, what could be better, or more appealing, or more energizing, than having the attention of a younger man, particularly if she has already walked away from one or more failed marriages with someone her own age," says Nancy O'Reilly, PsyD, founder and director of WomenSpeak.com.  

What's in It for Younger Men?

While the perks for women may be clear, the waters get a little murky when it comes to nailing down what's in it for the younger guy. Experts say that's because at least in part, the desire for a younger, healthy, fertile partner is pretty much hardwired into men's DNA.  

"From an [evolutionary] perspective, men are attracted to women who show signs of health, youth, and fertility; they always have, they always will. And in fact, if a man of 35 is going to choose from among a group of women aged 45, he's still going to go for the one who looks the youngest and the most spry," says Fisher.